Saturday, September 13, 2008
Being Busy..
It's scary when you are busy coping with work and getting on with life.. You find yourself slowly robbed of certain things. Things leaving you one by one, and you can't do anything but watch them disappear. From something trivial like forgetting the name of your friend's big crush whom he has been talking about day in and day out.. to those precious memories you once held so dear, and those acts of impulse and burst of feelings. Nothing seems to touch my heart anymore. I try so hard to remember who I am, to dig out the remnants of my heart, to feel once again. But I realise, I'm trying just for the sake of trying, feeling just for the sake of feeling. I've become numb, maybe temporarily, too busy to think or to feel. Or maybe I'm just escaping under the grand magnificent excuse of being busy. I'm watching a slow death. A part of me died. I don't know if it's good or bad. I don't know me anymore.
Things I'm so gonna do when I get my pay!
1. Book my Taiwan trip (as you know, I took my Taiwan fund to pay my bank loan T_T)
2. Clear my piling debts (big amount from Mum, small dinner debt frm friend)
3. Pay my freakin Internet bills (I haven't paid for like erm.. half year? My fren is paying for me now)
4. Pay my phone bill (Haven't paid for one month only.. ^^"v)
5. Get a haircut!! (My hair is like lalang now sobz)
6. Buy a nice bottle of body shampoo (The Victoria's Secret one finish already...no money to buy new one)
7. Treat myself to something nice
8. Should I treat back my frens who have been belanja-ing me all this while? (see la I cheapskate, freeloader.. sighz.. =_=)
Hope I get my pay soon.. if not this list will definitely get longer sigh... pray pray good luck to me!
2. Clear my piling debts (big amount from Mum, small dinner debt frm friend)
3. Pay my freakin Internet bills (I haven't paid for like erm.. half year? My fren is paying for me now)
4. Pay my phone bill (Haven't paid for one month only.. ^^"v)
5. Get a haircut!! (My hair is like lalang now sobz)
6. Buy a nice bottle of body shampoo (The Victoria's Secret one finish already...no money to buy new one)
7. Treat myself to something nice
8. Should I treat back my frens who have been belanja-ing me all this while? (see la I cheapskate, freeloader.. sighz.. =_=)
Hope I get my pay soon.. if not this list will definitely get longer sigh... pray pray good luck to me!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
So this is it...
You'll never realize the meaning of lonely as it only creeps upon you as you sit in a corner far behind the back of the building hallway....as loud, cheers, laughters, and chatters fill the other end of the hall...and that's when you realize;
"oh it's lunchtime already? boy I'm hungry"
and trotters along to the loud noisy hallway,blending in the atmosphere and the sea of people,
"for belly filling joy"
Seriously,...might have been that I've lived too much by myself...that it doesn't bother me as much anymore about the art of mingling... It might just dawn upon me how much I miss having company to get my schedule up straight as exhaustion seeps upon me.
leave home to catch the bus to campus 6 miles away, attend classes one after another, still getting lost along the way every once in a while, slowly leafing through my file, in search of the campus map provided during late students orientation only to be kindly asked by passerby if I needed help with direction before my eyes could skim through the map.
All worn out by the end of class, would then trudge home and up the flights of stairs, get changed, and lay on bed...lifeless...ahh bed time comes early this past week. I'll then be dead to the world till the clock strikes twelve...ironic how uncinderellaish my body would awaken itself....then off i would go to the bathroom for one quick shower...
Upon returning to my room...I'm more or less often greeted by a knock on my foor....housmie just dropping by to say hi....then it's back to staring at notes, textbooks, assignments.....and hurried pen scrawls etching upon paper with chicken scrawls and pen smudges to complete the day's work....in an effort to beat time at it's own game...
ahh....then off the cycle begins....of a brand new day....
This past week, I've realized how my infatuation has slowly seeped away and my infatuation towards greeny has slowly dwindled down to nothingness..as though it too, has been chucked far into the trash bins as I cleared out and sorted my life to move 480 miles way just one week before....so much so I can't differentiate my feelings towards it anymore...no sadness no pain, just silence and so I lied back then when you asked when I claimed I no longer felt an ounce of pain, just silence...of infatuation towards him then, as it was like a silent addiction....which only creep it's way up in those cold bitter winter nights...when the mind is but an empty vast of mindless thoughts...
So here's a toast...to a brand new beginning, a slate wiped clean...and here's one last toast, to the diminishing infatuation....may you find the world of happiness in your life along the journey of life greeny....
"oh it's lunchtime already? boy I'm hungry"
and trotters along to the loud noisy hallway,blending in the atmosphere and the sea of people,
"for belly filling joy"
Seriously,...might have been that I've lived too much by myself...that it doesn't bother me as much anymore about the art of mingling... It might just dawn upon me how much I miss having company to get my schedule up straight as exhaustion seeps upon me.
leave home to catch the bus to campus 6 miles away, attend classes one after another, still getting lost along the way every once in a while, slowly leafing through my file, in search of the campus map provided during late students orientation only to be kindly asked by passerby if I needed help with direction before my eyes could skim through the map.
All worn out by the end of class, would then trudge home and up the flights of stairs, get changed, and lay on bed...lifeless...ahh bed time comes early this past week. I'll then be dead to the world till the clock strikes twelve...ironic how uncinderellaish my body would awaken itself....then off i would go to the bathroom for one quick shower...
Upon returning to my room...I'm more or less often greeted by a knock on my foor....housmie just dropping by to say hi....then it's back to staring at notes, textbooks, assignments.....and hurried pen scrawls etching upon paper with chicken scrawls and pen smudges to complete the day's work....in an effort to beat time at it's own game...
ahh....then off the cycle begins....of a brand new day....
This past week, I've realized how my infatuation has slowly seeped away and my infatuation towards greeny has slowly dwindled down to nothingness..as though it too, has been chucked far into the trash bins as I cleared out and sorted my life to move 480 miles way just one week before....so much so I can't differentiate my feelings towards it anymore...no sadness no pain, just silence and so I lied back then when you asked when I claimed I no longer felt an ounce of pain, just silence...of infatuation towards him then, as it was like a silent addiction....which only creep it's way up in those cold bitter winter nights...when the mind is but an empty vast of mindless thoughts...
So here's a toast...to a brand new beginning, a slate wiped clean...and here's one last toast, to the diminishing infatuation....may you find the world of happiness in your life along the journey of life greeny....
Soul mate Pact:Updated rules cough cough
To my dearest Jean
Aiyah this is not a dying love letter la haiz haiz this is to clarify to you that based on your comment on the pact:
1. aiyah you swallow the pact also no use okay because i failed to inform you that err i bought a personal x ray machine so can still see okay the pact
2. Yoyo, also i installed blue tooth on the non destructible non decomposable pact, therefore at my whims, i can just switch on any bluetooth and download or access it okay cough cough...
Lihatlah pandanglah kecanggihan teknologi dunia baru haiz why la am i typing in bm haiz haiz
Ahhhh just got an email from professor die die why must go his office in person ah to talk to him, test me ah for my transfer course dowan la i don't remember a thing about the classT________________T is digging a 12 ft grave to hide in an option?
Aiyah this is not a dying love letter la haiz haiz this is to clarify to you that based on your comment on the pact:
1. aiyah you swallow the pact also no use okay because i failed to inform you that err i bought a personal x ray machine so can still see okay the pact
2. Yoyo, also i installed blue tooth on the non destructible non decomposable pact, therefore at my whims, i can just switch on any bluetooth and download or access it okay cough cough...
Lihatlah pandanglah kecanggihan teknologi dunia baru haiz why la am i typing in bm haiz haiz
Ahhhh just got an email from professor die die why must go his office in person ah to talk to him, test me ah for my transfer course dowan la i don't remember a thing about the classT________________T is digging a 12 ft grave to hide in an option?
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