I woke up from my slumber
to find the remnants of memories
hung up glaringly on the wall
I screamed,
only to hear the pathetic echo of my hollow voice
This room has long been empty
I have slept a thousand years.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
The End.
To cling upon a mist...makes falling down hurts the most...it brings the world down...to know that you could try as hard as you wish to grasp upon it...merely feeling it slipping away....slight breeze...slight memory...
I hate feeling this way but I did and still do now knowing what I had just known...knowing that what was once a clinging memory is now a mere blur....for this is truly the end...two worlds apart...never to brush shoulder upon again...
I hate feeling this way but I did and still do now knowing what I had just known...knowing that what was once a clinging memory is now a mere blur....for this is truly the end...two worlds apart...never to brush shoulder upon again...
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Hate-hate-hate-hate-love
For the past few days, I have been bumping into people that I met from this course I really hated when I was in school.
I remembered how much I condemned the course for being like real-world society (well, you can say I'm autistic and antisocial).
Every lesson was like a networking session where people put on fake smiles and make small talk, just to get a partner for the next assignment (There's this rule that you have to work with totally different people for each assignment) And I hated networking and all bonds fake. To me, putting on a fake smile is like a chore, making conversation with people who you don't care about, or conversing on topics doesn't interest you is a painful task.
After the course, I realised it wasn't that bad after all. Hey, I've learnt so much more than just sitting down listening to the droning away of the lecturers. I've gained plenty hands on experience, that has proved to be very useful now. And most surprisingly, I found that my classmates are actually nice peeps. They wished me happy birthday, even though I only talked to them once or twice (even though it might be a just a social networking thing) They waved and said hi when I walked past them, and when I bump into them, we actually did catch up and talk about what we've been doing recently. It's a nice, warm and fuzzy feeling. Especially when you take into account the fact that, here in school, people you've worked with in your previous classes basically just forgot you existed once the class is over, they can't even recognise you when you walk past them in school!
I was pondering about this when I remembered this group I worked with in one of my classes. It wasn't the most pleasant experience working with them, because I ended up doing everything, and I remembered grumbling and complaining to myself that I was down in luck to have met such group members. Yet again surprisingly, we kept in touch and met for lunch once in school, even though we are not taking the class anymore.
If I was given one more chance, I would have taken the course more seriously, went to classes more often and get to know more of my classmates. But who knows, even if time did turn back, I might still be the same old me with the same old attitude hating the course.
It's kind of intriguing that the things that you hated the most turn into memories and experience that you cherished the most. And things that appeal to you, things that you thought you would love, turns out to be no big deal after all. It might be the theory of relativity but I guess, life is irony, after all.
I remembered how much I condemned the course for being like real-world society (well, you can say I'm autistic and antisocial).
Every lesson was like a networking session where people put on fake smiles and make small talk, just to get a partner for the next assignment (There's this rule that you have to work with totally different people for each assignment) And I hated networking and all bonds fake. To me, putting on a fake smile is like a chore, making conversation with people who you don't care about, or conversing on topics doesn't interest you is a painful task.
After the course, I realised it wasn't that bad after all. Hey, I've learnt so much more than just sitting down listening to the droning away of the lecturers. I've gained plenty hands on experience, that has proved to be very useful now. And most surprisingly, I found that my classmates are actually nice peeps. They wished me happy birthday, even though I only talked to them once or twice (even though it might be a just a social networking thing) They waved and said hi when I walked past them, and when I bump into them, we actually did catch up and talk about what we've been doing recently. It's a nice, warm and fuzzy feeling. Especially when you take into account the fact that, here in school, people you've worked with in your previous classes basically just forgot you existed once the class is over, they can't even recognise you when you walk past them in school!
I was pondering about this when I remembered this group I worked with in one of my classes. It wasn't the most pleasant experience working with them, because I ended up doing everything, and I remembered grumbling and complaining to myself that I was down in luck to have met such group members. Yet again surprisingly, we kept in touch and met for lunch once in school, even though we are not taking the class anymore.
If I was given one more chance, I would have taken the course more seriously, went to classes more often and get to know more of my classmates. But who knows, even if time did turn back, I might still be the same old me with the same old attitude hating the course.
It's kind of intriguing that the things that you hated the most turn into memories and experience that you cherished the most. And things that appeal to you, things that you thought you would love, turns out to be no big deal after all. It might be the theory of relativity but I guess, life is irony, after all.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Being Busy..
It's scary when you are busy coping with work and getting on with life.. You find yourself slowly robbed of certain things. Things leaving you one by one, and you can't do anything but watch them disappear. From something trivial like forgetting the name of your friend's big crush whom he has been talking about day in and day out.. to those precious memories you once held so dear, and those acts of impulse and burst of feelings. Nothing seems to touch my heart anymore. I try so hard to remember who I am, to dig out the remnants of my heart, to feel once again. But I realise, I'm trying just for the sake of trying, feeling just for the sake of feeling. I've become numb, maybe temporarily, too busy to think or to feel. Or maybe I'm just escaping under the grand magnificent excuse of being busy. I'm watching a slow death. A part of me died. I don't know if it's good or bad. I don't know me anymore.
Things I'm so gonna do when I get my pay!
1. Book my Taiwan trip (as you know, I took my Taiwan fund to pay my bank loan T_T)
2. Clear my piling debts (big amount from Mum, small dinner debt frm friend)
3. Pay my freakin Internet bills (I haven't paid for like erm.. half year? My fren is paying for me now)
4. Pay my phone bill (Haven't paid for one month only.. ^^"v)
5. Get a haircut!! (My hair is like lalang now sobz)
6. Buy a nice bottle of body shampoo (The Victoria's Secret one finish already...no money to buy new one)
7. Treat myself to something nice
8. Should I treat back my frens who have been belanja-ing me all this while? (see la I cheapskate, freeloader.. sighz.. =_=)
Hope I get my pay soon.. if not this list will definitely get longer sigh... pray pray good luck to me!
2. Clear my piling debts (big amount from Mum, small dinner debt frm friend)
3. Pay my freakin Internet bills (I haven't paid for like erm.. half year? My fren is paying for me now)
4. Pay my phone bill (Haven't paid for one month only.. ^^"v)
5. Get a haircut!! (My hair is like lalang now sobz)
6. Buy a nice bottle of body shampoo (The Victoria's Secret one finish already...no money to buy new one)
7. Treat myself to something nice
8. Should I treat back my frens who have been belanja-ing me all this while? (see la I cheapskate, freeloader.. sighz.. =_=)
Hope I get my pay soon.. if not this list will definitely get longer sigh... pray pray good luck to me!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
So this is it...
You'll never realize the meaning of lonely as it only creeps upon you as you sit in a corner far behind the back of the building hallway....as loud, cheers, laughters, and chatters fill the other end of the hall...and that's when you realize;
"oh it's lunchtime already? boy I'm hungry"
and trotters along to the loud noisy hallway,blending in the atmosphere and the sea of people,
"for belly filling joy"
Seriously,...might have been that I've lived too much by myself...that it doesn't bother me as much anymore about the art of mingling... It might just dawn upon me how much I miss having company to get my schedule up straight as exhaustion seeps upon me.
leave home to catch the bus to campus 6 miles away, attend classes one after another, still getting lost along the way every once in a while, slowly leafing through my file, in search of the campus map provided during late students orientation only to be kindly asked by passerby if I needed help with direction before my eyes could skim through the map.
All worn out by the end of class, would then trudge home and up the flights of stairs, get changed, and lay on bed...lifeless...ahh bed time comes early this past week. I'll then be dead to the world till the clock strikes twelve...ironic how uncinderellaish my body would awaken itself....then off i would go to the bathroom for one quick shower...
Upon returning to my room...I'm more or less often greeted by a knock on my foor....housmie just dropping by to say hi....then it's back to staring at notes, textbooks, assignments.....and hurried pen scrawls etching upon paper with chicken scrawls and pen smudges to complete the day's work....in an effort to beat time at it's own game...
ahh....then off the cycle begins....of a brand new day....
This past week, I've realized how my infatuation has slowly seeped away and my infatuation towards greeny has slowly dwindled down to nothingness..as though it too, has been chucked far into the trash bins as I cleared out and sorted my life to move 480 miles way just one week before....so much so I can't differentiate my feelings towards it anymore...no sadness no pain, just silence and so I lied back then when you asked when I claimed I no longer felt an ounce of pain, just silence...of infatuation towards him then, as it was like a silent addiction....which only creep it's way up in those cold bitter winter nights...when the mind is but an empty vast of mindless thoughts...
So here's a toast...to a brand new beginning, a slate wiped clean...and here's one last toast, to the diminishing infatuation....may you find the world of happiness in your life along the journey of life greeny....
"oh it's lunchtime already? boy I'm hungry"
and trotters along to the loud noisy hallway,blending in the atmosphere and the sea of people,
"for belly filling joy"
Seriously,...might have been that I've lived too much by myself...that it doesn't bother me as much anymore about the art of mingling... It might just dawn upon me how much I miss having company to get my schedule up straight as exhaustion seeps upon me.
leave home to catch the bus to campus 6 miles away, attend classes one after another, still getting lost along the way every once in a while, slowly leafing through my file, in search of the campus map provided during late students orientation only to be kindly asked by passerby if I needed help with direction before my eyes could skim through the map.
All worn out by the end of class, would then trudge home and up the flights of stairs, get changed, and lay on bed...lifeless...ahh bed time comes early this past week. I'll then be dead to the world till the clock strikes twelve...ironic how uncinderellaish my body would awaken itself....then off i would go to the bathroom for one quick shower...
Upon returning to my room...I'm more or less often greeted by a knock on my foor....housmie just dropping by to say hi....then it's back to staring at notes, textbooks, assignments.....and hurried pen scrawls etching upon paper with chicken scrawls and pen smudges to complete the day's work....in an effort to beat time at it's own game...
ahh....then off the cycle begins....of a brand new day....
This past week, I've realized how my infatuation has slowly seeped away and my infatuation towards greeny has slowly dwindled down to nothingness..as though it too, has been chucked far into the trash bins as I cleared out and sorted my life to move 480 miles way just one week before....so much so I can't differentiate my feelings towards it anymore...no sadness no pain, just silence and so I lied back then when you asked when I claimed I no longer felt an ounce of pain, just silence...of infatuation towards him then, as it was like a silent addiction....which only creep it's way up in those cold bitter winter nights...when the mind is but an empty vast of mindless thoughts...
So here's a toast...to a brand new beginning, a slate wiped clean...and here's one last toast, to the diminishing infatuation....may you find the world of happiness in your life along the journey of life greeny....
Soul mate Pact:Updated rules cough cough
To my dearest Jean
Aiyah this is not a dying love letter la haiz haiz this is to clarify to you that based on your comment on the pact:
1. aiyah you swallow the pact also no use okay because i failed to inform you that err i bought a personal x ray machine so can still see okay the pact
2. Yoyo, also i installed blue tooth on the non destructible non decomposable pact, therefore at my whims, i can just switch on any bluetooth and download or access it okay cough cough...
Lihatlah pandanglah kecanggihan teknologi dunia baru haiz why la am i typing in bm haiz haiz
Ahhhh just got an email from professor die die why must go his office in person ah to talk to him, test me ah for my transfer course dowan la i don't remember a thing about the classT________________T is digging a 12 ft grave to hide in an option?
Aiyah this is not a dying love letter la haiz haiz this is to clarify to you that based on your comment on the pact:
1. aiyah you swallow the pact also no use okay because i failed to inform you that err i bought a personal x ray machine so can still see okay the pact
2. Yoyo, also i installed blue tooth on the non destructible non decomposable pact, therefore at my whims, i can just switch on any bluetooth and download or access it okay cough cough...
Lihatlah pandanglah kecanggihan teknologi dunia baru haiz why la am i typing in bm haiz haiz
Ahhhh just got an email from professor die die why must go his office in person ah to talk to him, test me ah for my transfer course dowan la i don't remember a thing about the classT________________T is digging a 12 ft grave to hide in an option?
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Soul Mate Pact
This is a pact solely for the benefits of one half soulmate aka ME-lah haiz haiz so obvious can and cannot be breached or be questioned by the other half*beams because i am older so we follow chinese tradition cough cough on respecting your elder!!!*
The constitution states that:
1. In the even should I blubbie Jodie not be married by 30, Jean blubbie shall adopt me and let me live with her and never mention the term third wheel.
2. Consider this blubbie as an original member of the family and will always be considered as the head of the family hhohohoho minus any financial responsibilities thank you very much.
3. Jean blubbie should bear a minimum of four kids and Elder blubbie to play with but duties not inclusive..extra charge cough cough
4. Should Jean decide to go on honey moon vacation, must pack me along cause i'm scared of ghost therefore staying alone is not an option laT_T especially on the 7th month cough...
Haiz this is true chi mui love...okay bai bai very busy....
The constitution states that:
1. In the even should I blubbie Jodie not be married by 30, Jean blubbie shall adopt me and let me live with her and never mention the term third wheel.
2. Consider this blubbie as an original member of the family and will always be considered as the head of the family hhohohoho minus any financial responsibilities thank you very much.
3. Jean blubbie should bear a minimum of four kids and Elder blubbie to play with but duties not inclusive..extra charge cough cough
4. Should Jean decide to go on honey moon vacation, must pack me along cause i'm scared of ghost therefore staying alone is not an option laT_T especially on the 7th month cough...
Haiz this is true chi mui love...okay bai bai very busy....
Monday, August 25, 2008
Goodbye Hopes, So long Dreams.....
Yeah,I am being over reacting as dreams aren't exactly dashed completely.....BUT....
I am sitting in a cafe now and staring at the soup I ordered while sipping from my soda cup....
It's hard to eat when I'm sad...whoever eats when they are down, kudos to you.....cause I can't do it=(...my stomach tightens up and the sight of food makes me sick....
Got a lot of errands to run....will be so tired when night falls but things need to get done with, and what better way to occupy myself than having a negative cloud loom above me....
I am sitting in a cafe now and staring at the soup I ordered while sipping from my soda cup....
It's hard to eat when I'm sad...whoever eats when they are down, kudos to you.....cause I can't do it=(...my stomach tightens up and the sight of food makes me sick....
Got a lot of errands to run....will be so tired when night falls but things need to get done with, and what better way to occupy myself than having a negative cloud loom above me....
Saturday, August 16, 2008
escaping...
Today I did something which I knew wasn't right, but I can't help myself... I was supposed to present my poster at my deparment's symposium. But I went there, put my poster up, then ran away...I don't know, I just felt so pathetic and miserable there. People are like networking with each other, talking about their research and future collaborations, bosses too busy hooking up with other big shots to even notice me.. I was just standing there alone, looking like an idiot, nobody knows me and nobody bothers to (I'm a small fry ma). The worse part is, I don't feel like trying also, I don't feel like faking a smile and talking about things which don't interest me at all, pretending to be impressed or to be interested. I hate networking sessions. I ran away too during breaktimes when I attended a symposium few weeks ago when people are supposed to network and mingle with each other. Call me proud, or antisocial, or anything.. I don't like talking and getting to know people just for the sake of doing it. I don't like faking smiles when I'm not interested. I think, more importantly, I don't care about DNAs or microarrays or proteins. Maybe I'm running away from the fact that I'm not interested in research at all, the fact that research is not what I intend to do for my whole life. I evade topics regarding my future phd research, I evade responsibilities related to it also. I have second thoughts all the time, that I might switch jobs once I'm done with my loan, that I might just teach without doing a phd, that I might quit after masters... I chose money over passion. I chose my biggest dream over a smaller one. I don't even know if I'm making the correct decision, or whether I have the determination to stick with this decision...
embarassing moment of the day
Lol blubb, I told you last Friday then I went for this workshop right? Forgot to tell you this very embarassing and idiotic moment of mine T_T
Hrm.. so my boss is supposed to conduct the workshop and I'm supposed to go there, sit down, observe and learn. So before I went to the venue, I gave my boss a call since he's not there yet to remind him. My boss has a reputation for always being late, so I tot he won't come so soon mah... so they were serving refreshments there, and since I'm waiting, I took a plate and started filling it up with sandwiches and cakes. I was happily munching away and making small talk to the girl doing the registration when someone called me from behind. Turns out to be my colleague (sort of la), and he said my boss is inside the auditorium already and he can't find me, so he asked my colleague to come out and look for me. Soon after, my boss came out... and I looked at them while munching on my sandwich... I feel like burying my head into the hole la..... soooooo paiseh....
Hrm.. so my boss is supposed to conduct the workshop and I'm supposed to go there, sit down, observe and learn. So before I went to the venue, I gave my boss a call since he's not there yet to remind him. My boss has a reputation for always being late, so I tot he won't come so soon mah... so they were serving refreshments there, and since I'm waiting, I took a plate and started filling it up with sandwiches and cakes. I was happily munching away and making small talk to the girl doing the registration when someone called me from behind. Turns out to be my colleague (sort of la), and he said my boss is inside the auditorium already and he can't find me, so he asked my colleague to come out and look for me. Soon after, my boss came out... and I looked at them while munching on my sandwich... I feel like burying my head into the hole la..... soooooo paiseh....
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Haiyah I kiasu so must post again hiak hiak haiyak
Hohoho....working and not getting paid is a good thing for soul cleansing la cough cough....charity and volunteer work right?
Haiz tonight cannot procrastinate anymore...must pack like i'm an immigrant la....=x....cause tomorrow last day<=i pay till 13th means move out 14th right!!!like hotel right!!!!haiz....
Then by thursday i must get back to usual normal mode cause school is starting soon....so must guai guai sleep normal mode time....
eh i got nothing else to sayT_T...except yesterday while sitting in the cafe i was at war with the smokers*silently la somehow smokers always look very macho scary laT_T or very garang a bit okay T_T*....i was sitting at the only available table with a plug near it and it was in a non smoking section closest to smoking section and i dislike how to had to come closest to the barrier of the division and puff towards my direction as though i deserve to die earlier than them so they bomb me with smokeT_T
Haiz tonight cannot procrastinate anymore...must pack like i'm an immigrant la....=x....cause tomorrow last day<=i pay till 13th means move out 14th right!!!like hotel right!!!!haiz....
Then by thursday i must get back to usual normal mode cause school is starting soon....so must guai guai sleep normal mode time....
eh i got nothing else to sayT_T...except yesterday while sitting in the cafe i was at war with the smokers*silently la somehow smokers always look very macho scary laT_T or very garang a bit okay T_T*....i was sitting at the only available table with a plug near it and it was in a non smoking section closest to smoking section and i dislike how to had to come closest to the barrier of the division and puff towards my direction as though i deserve to die earlier than them so they bomb me with smokeT_T
Me turn to talk =P
Blubbs.. Long time never see you online, yeah let's keep in touch with this blog. My turn to talk.. cough. clears throat.
Well, for my side, school has just started this Monday. So I gave my virgin practical lesson on the first day of school. Was so nervous the day before that I couldn't sleep! For some reason I felt a little depressed too, on the day before, thinking to myself what mess have I gotten myself into =( But well, the first lesson turned out fine, it was pretty fun actually, torturing students (oopss, I mean guiding them). And the students are pretty cheeky and responsive too =) Felt a sense of satisfaction after teaching the first lesson. Hrmm.. after all, life is about moving out of your comfort zone and trying new things and meeting new challenges, that's what I've always believed..
On a not-so-good note, my application for Singapore Permanent Resident is delayed because of this rule stating that your appointment date must not be before you apply for PR. So the 1 hour trip I spent going to the immigration office, and the half an hour I've spent queuing up to get a ticket was wasted. I have to get the appointment date postponed (means I start to get paid later!!) and I have to go back to the immigration office tomorrow. Argh.. I don't know, I just felt like crying on the spot when the lady told me that I'll have to change the date before they will accept my application.
It's like the more and harder I work, the less I get paid and the poorer I am. I feel so helpless. I have already started work in school in July unofficially, but the office told me they can't pay me between the month of July till the date of my official appointment as a full-time staff because I can't be considered as one, and they're still looking for other avenues to pay me (probably as a part-time staff or something). My loan has started running and so now I'm basically borrowing money from my mother to pay off my loan and my rent.. on top of that, BOTH my ex-employers (the kiwi one and the meanine ang moh) still owe me pay even though I keep on reminding them to. It feels so sucky when all the money you've worked so hard to earn just evaporated into thin air, and you'll have to borrow to get on with life. And the fact that your ex-meanine ang moh boss, who agreed to pay you after hurling so much words of abuse, just didn't reply to any of your e-mails, blocked you on msn and stopped your email account didn't help at all. I don't know. Seems like I may be better off rotting at home, since I don't get paid for anything anyway, and I'm wasting money traveling to and fro my workplace, eating lunch etc =_= This just sucks, and I got so depressed on the journey back to work. But never mind me, I forgot about it soon after lunch..
Anyways, I decided to lodge a complaint against my boss in the ministry of manpower. I do hope that the employment act covers part time employees as well. I don't really want to do it, I feel so bad, but at the same time I'm so sick and tired of sending e-mails to get my pay with no reply whatsover. I've sent him a final reminder to pay me and told him that I'll go to the ministry next week. Maybe he'll reply me with some mean words again.. Bahh.. This is your Jean, with money going out but no money coming in, though she goes for work everyday. Do you still wanna hug me T_T
Well, for my side, school has just started this Monday. So I gave my virgin practical lesson on the first day of school. Was so nervous the day before that I couldn't sleep! For some reason I felt a little depressed too, on the day before, thinking to myself what mess have I gotten myself into =( But well, the first lesson turned out fine, it was pretty fun actually, torturing students (oopss, I mean guiding them). And the students are pretty cheeky and responsive too =) Felt a sense of satisfaction after teaching the first lesson. Hrmm.. after all, life is about moving out of your comfort zone and trying new things and meeting new challenges, that's what I've always believed..
On a not-so-good note, my application for Singapore Permanent Resident is delayed because of this rule stating that your appointment date must not be before you apply for PR. So the 1 hour trip I spent going to the immigration office, and the half an hour I've spent queuing up to get a ticket was wasted. I have to get the appointment date postponed (means I start to get paid later!!) and I have to go back to the immigration office tomorrow. Argh.. I don't know, I just felt like crying on the spot when the lady told me that I'll have to change the date before they will accept my application.
It's like the more and harder I work, the less I get paid and the poorer I am. I feel so helpless. I have already started work in school in July unofficially, but the office told me they can't pay me between the month of July till the date of my official appointment as a full-time staff because I can't be considered as one, and they're still looking for other avenues to pay me (probably as a part-time staff or something). My loan has started running and so now I'm basically borrowing money from my mother to pay off my loan and my rent.. on top of that, BOTH my ex-employers (the kiwi one and the meanine ang moh) still owe me pay even though I keep on reminding them to. It feels so sucky when all the money you've worked so hard to earn just evaporated into thin air, and you'll have to borrow to get on with life. And the fact that your ex-meanine ang moh boss, who agreed to pay you after hurling so much words of abuse, just didn't reply to any of your e-mails, blocked you on msn and stopped your email account didn't help at all. I don't know. Seems like I may be better off rotting at home, since I don't get paid for anything anyway, and I'm wasting money traveling to and fro my workplace, eating lunch etc =_= This just sucks, and I got so depressed on the journey back to work. But never mind me, I forgot about it soon after lunch..
Anyways, I decided to lodge a complaint against my boss in the ministry of manpower. I do hope that the employment act covers part time employees as well. I don't really want to do it, I feel so bad, but at the same time I'm so sick and tired of sending e-mails to get my pay with no reply whatsover. I've sent him a final reminder to pay me and told him that I'll go to the ministry next week. Maybe he'll reply me with some mean words again.. Bahh.. This is your Jean, with money going out but no money coming in, though she goes for work everyday. Do you still wanna hug me T_T
Monday, August 11, 2008
And it shall play it's role....
So finally this blog is serving it's true purpose...the true intention we had for it which was to keep in touch with one another daily when we're unable to keep in touch with what not of our rubbish nonsense through msn....
I am currently in the cafe now holding my bladder la okay!!!!you noe if i give up this seat i won't be able to come back to one with an available plug okay!!!!<=kiasu la....
Weather has taken to a change..it's much colder now....and the leaves are turning colour....while the flowers mom planted while she was here is slowly beginning to dry up....no more cheerful cluster of colours greeting me each time i open my doors to leave home...
spend the weekend cooking for friends...then helping another move the rest of my saturday....was superbly exhausted....I cooked enough to feed an army in africa okay....but pictures had to be taken with my phone as this klutz left her camera at home....
Why did i cook so much?i have no clue...so i made for them:
nasi lemak with chicken curry and sambal belacan long beans, kiam chai thng, milo swirl cupcake with peanut butter and chocolate chip cookie crumble frosting, ginger and honey cupcake, victorian sponge sandwich cake with cherry filling, apricot jam cookie sandwich, and apricot glaze cupcakes top with one measly almond cause i can't leave my cupcakes naked can I?
it's been a week since i last talk to you...and I am hereby admitting my withdrawal symptoms of msn huggles...because I had shamelessly for no apparent reason just screamed out hug jean subconsciously in public out loudT_T....
I've also learnt that I am the exact counterpart needed to encounter kids according to my friends and their familiesT_T because I apparently am able to work well with retorting their cheekiness...and fit right in with them lahT_T
I am also too short in comparison to a 9 year old kid as when we but hit i ended up getting the rough side of it and almost toppled overT_T...i am just as tall as the nine year old girl...
It's getting cold in the cafe so much so that I am all ready to just grab anyone and hug themT_T<=seriously.no.i'm not that insane...but it is without a doubt cold.
My life is nowhere now....i still have no clue if i am moving out of state or not but for sure..i'll be homeless in 2 days time...=( and I've yet to pack....talk about procrastination eh..le sigh..tonight is going to be a long night....
So blubbie...how was your day?
I am currently in the cafe now holding my bladder la okay!!!!you noe if i give up this seat i won't be able to come back to one with an available plug okay!!!!<=kiasu la....
Weather has taken to a change..it's much colder now....and the leaves are turning colour....while the flowers mom planted while she was here is slowly beginning to dry up....no more cheerful cluster of colours greeting me each time i open my doors to leave home...
spend the weekend cooking for friends...then helping another move the rest of my saturday....was superbly exhausted....I cooked enough to feed an army in africa okay....but pictures had to be taken with my phone as this klutz left her camera at home....
Why did i cook so much?i have no clue...so i made for them:
nasi lemak with chicken curry and sambal belacan long beans, kiam chai thng, milo swirl cupcake with peanut butter and chocolate chip cookie crumble frosting, ginger and honey cupcake, victorian sponge sandwich cake with cherry filling, apricot jam cookie sandwich, and apricot glaze cupcakes top with one measly almond cause i can't leave my cupcakes naked can I?
it's been a week since i last talk to you...and I am hereby admitting my withdrawal symptoms of msn huggles...because I had shamelessly for no apparent reason just screamed out hug jean subconsciously in public out loudT_T....
I've also learnt that I am the exact counterpart needed to encounter kids according to my friends and their familiesT_T because I apparently am able to work well with retorting their cheekiness...and fit right in with them lahT_T
I am also too short in comparison to a 9 year old kid as when we but hit i ended up getting the rough side of it and almost toppled overT_T...i am just as tall as the nine year old girl...
It's getting cold in the cafe so much so that I am all ready to just grab anyone and hug themT_T<=seriously.no.i'm not that insane...but it is without a doubt cold.
My life is nowhere now....i still have no clue if i am moving out of state or not but for sure..i'll be homeless in 2 days time...=( and I've yet to pack....talk about procrastination eh..le sigh..tonight is going to be a long night....
So blubbie...how was your day?
Friday, August 8, 2008
Gratitude
Time waits for no man...Once it flies past, there no point of return..no fast forwarding...no rewinding...
Certain mistakes and decisions made now or in the past stays for life...nothing will ever change them.Ever.
Words said, actions taken can never be taken back.
For each ticking second that passes by, is every second of life lived.
So no point of regretting actions which has been done for...
Eh blubbie...I have too much free time in my hands these past few days therefore I've been working on details such as financial planning on our future dreams....Before you accuse me of being long winded I do have to tell you how grateful I am to have you around=)...No one could find a greater best friend in the whole wide world okay(on a side note since I am gracefully cough cough praising you, could you please take me in as a third wheel if i were never to marry cough cough and adopt me hoho). Thanks for always considering all my wacko whims on our dreams....most of of thanks for always being around in spirit and words la(msn cough) daily....you have no idea how excited i get just by having you around to chat with daily(eh why does this sound a tad bit like an obsession).
Seriously, who could find a bestie blubbie who would fulfill my dreams with me, so much so as to compromise our future situations years from now...make plans with me for decades to come...always willing to give a lending hand when I need it...console me..hoho....scold me when I really need none(haiz things i do for you too seeee lah)
If all works out as plan, we'll be able to work out everything in a matter of 4 years....and hope that things would fall into place one by one=)
I somehow stumbled upon some old primary friends blogs...to see them so happy together still in the same group after this many years brings back a little envy in me...i too wish i had that kind of friendship...but who am I to complain when I have two greatest girls which ironically are on two opposite end of the country..one north one south...like a magnet....haiz...
Words could not described my gratitude towards the two of you....and how much I miss having you guys around....
I memang super emo this days and I can't explain why...err blame it on the ever changing weather...
So lots of hugggggggggggggggggs....
Eh eh extra side note to the best friend/sister/auntyla in the north eh don't worry if you planning on getting married anytime soon right...i will get the next flight back okay dont worry......*all expenses sponsored for by the bestie in the south....cough cough
Certain mistakes and decisions made now or in the past stays for life...nothing will ever change them.Ever.
Words said, actions taken can never be taken back.
For each ticking second that passes by, is every second of life lived.
So no point of regretting actions which has been done for...
Eh blubbie...I have too much free time in my hands these past few days therefore I've been working on details such as financial planning on our future dreams....Before you accuse me of being long winded I do have to tell you how grateful I am to have you around=)...No one could find a greater best friend in the whole wide world okay(on a side note since I am gracefully cough cough praising you, could you please take me in as a third wheel if i were never to marry cough cough and adopt me hoho). Thanks for always considering all my wacko whims on our dreams....most of of thanks for always being around in spirit and words la(msn cough) daily....you have no idea how excited i get just by having you around to chat with daily(eh why does this sound a tad bit like an obsession).
Seriously, who could find a bestie blubbie who would fulfill my dreams with me, so much so as to compromise our future situations years from now...make plans with me for decades to come...always willing to give a lending hand when I need it...console me..hoho....scold me when I really need none(haiz things i do for you too seeee lah)
If all works out as plan, we'll be able to work out everything in a matter of 4 years....and hope that things would fall into place one by one=)
I somehow stumbled upon some old primary friends blogs...to see them so happy together still in the same group after this many years brings back a little envy in me...i too wish i had that kind of friendship...but who am I to complain when I have two greatest girls which ironically are on two opposite end of the country..one north one south...like a magnet....haiz...
Words could not described my gratitude towards the two of you....and how much I miss having you guys around....
I memang super emo this days and I can't explain why...err blame it on the ever changing weather...
So lots of hugggggggggggggggggs....
Eh eh extra side note to the best friend/sister/auntyla in the north eh don't worry if you planning on getting married anytime soon right...i will get the next flight back okay dont worry......*all expenses sponsored for by the bestie in the south....cough cough
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Time to grow up
Lol, since you talked about growing up and facing the big bad world.. I shall talk about growing up too (Actually you copy me lah, I wanted to write about growing up one.. but who knows when I log in your post was already there, bang!).
Today I had a long, long talk with my dear friend (he was unexceptionally talkative today). We talked about how ourselves and people around us have changed over these few years, or rather grown up. He used to go after girls based on looks, but now even when he see pretty girls he don't feel like going after them already. He said he has matured and now, he's not shy in asking girls out anymore, nor does he mind being single. We observed that our friend, who used to be horny and desperate, is much more settled down now. And me, I used to be attracted to bad boys who are wild, fun-loving or who do not care a shit about the world, but now I realise I will be contented with an average, normal guy who just cares and will give me support and security. It's funny to see people who you have known forever evolve and change. It's like you're hanging out with a different bunch of people now, and you feel the pride like how you watch your son graduate or something like that. Gone were the wild days where we used to walk home together everyday talking about everything under the sun, the days where we used to spend our recess scaring our classmates through the window, the days where we were constantly rebelling our teachers... Yes, indeed, youth is wild, youth is madness, youth is not having to care about how the world will turn out tomorrow, though I couldn't see it at that time. As we grow up, we are handed doses after doses of reality, of competition, of survival, while we lock our true selves, all our innocence and dreams, into this big chest called 'memories of youth', to be put away, never to be opened again. We wake up everyday preparing for yet another battle to face the world and strive to emerge unscathed. Yes, it's tiring to face the world, it's depressing to see your youth and innocence shipped out of your sight. But, though lonely at times, I realize throughout this years, there are friends who are always beside me, silently, supporting me without question. Friends who doesn't care who and what will I become tomorrow, whom I can be completely comfortable with without the need for pretense. These are people who keep me going, giving me hope that life, is indeed beautiful. Especially dear friend whom I talked to today, thanks for always being there (though you probably will never admit it haha!) I really do appreciate it and you're always be an important friend in my life =)
Oops, I strayed from my intended topic. Anyway, seeing my friends' transformation, I guess it's time for me to grow up too. Maybe it's time for me to discard my silly pride, opinions and prejudices... and to pursue the things that really matter to me in life. These few months have really been a crash course for me, to learn about reality, love and life..
Today I had a long, long talk with my dear friend (he was unexceptionally talkative today). We talked about how ourselves and people around us have changed over these few years, or rather grown up. He used to go after girls based on looks, but now even when he see pretty girls he don't feel like going after them already. He said he has matured and now, he's not shy in asking girls out anymore, nor does he mind being single. We observed that our friend, who used to be horny and desperate, is much more settled down now. And me, I used to be attracted to bad boys who are wild, fun-loving or who do not care a shit about the world, but now I realise I will be contented with an average, normal guy who just cares and will give me support and security. It's funny to see people who you have known forever evolve and change. It's like you're hanging out with a different bunch of people now, and you feel the pride like how you watch your son graduate or something like that. Gone were the wild days where we used to walk home together everyday talking about everything under the sun, the days where we used to spend our recess scaring our classmates through the window, the days where we were constantly rebelling our teachers... Yes, indeed, youth is wild, youth is madness, youth is not having to care about how the world will turn out tomorrow, though I couldn't see it at that time. As we grow up, we are handed doses after doses of reality, of competition, of survival, while we lock our true selves, all our innocence and dreams, into this big chest called 'memories of youth', to be put away, never to be opened again. We wake up everyday preparing for yet another battle to face the world and strive to emerge unscathed. Yes, it's tiring to face the world, it's depressing to see your youth and innocence shipped out of your sight. But, though lonely at times, I realize throughout this years, there are friends who are always beside me, silently, supporting me without question. Friends who doesn't care who and what will I become tomorrow, whom I can be completely comfortable with without the need for pretense. These are people who keep me going, giving me hope that life, is indeed beautiful. Especially dear friend whom I talked to today, thanks for always being there (though you probably will never admit it haha!) I really do appreciate it and you're always be an important friend in my life =)
Oops, I strayed from my intended topic. Anyway, seeing my friends' transformation, I guess it's time for me to grow up too. Maybe it's time for me to discard my silly pride, opinions and prejudices... and to pursue the things that really matter to me in life. These few months have really been a crash course for me, to learn about reality, love and life..
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Are we there yet?
So this is it....here lies our future...
Gone were the days when we would be happily running around making silly faces...hopping around*though i am still very much a kid at 22 cough cough*
What would the outcome be?Would our dreams come through, or would they be but a mere spec high above...unreachable...a gaze to the distance?
Now that it's a new beginning of lives without financial support from family....the true meaning of standing on one's own two feet...
Financial woes....of budgeting, planning for the future...
down payments soon to come....families to support along the way sometime in the future...
An unexplainable emotion....a mixture of excitement tied down by a looming fear....
Honestly blubbie, I have mix feelings....I hate to admit it but I was quite happy when you could accept my decision on postponing our plans for our ventures and in being housmies again to a mere 4 years compared to the 2 years planned ahead..
Reason being is I am not sure what I truly want to do yet...as in living here to earn more first so that we could have enough to work our plans around with...
Or give in to homesickness...and return in less than 3 years....
So is growing up all about making decisions?
Four years...and I'll be back=)...back to my roots...
Gone were the days when we would be happily running around making silly faces...hopping around*though i am still very much a kid at 22 cough cough*
What would the outcome be?Would our dreams come through, or would they be but a mere spec high above...unreachable...a gaze to the distance?
Now that it's a new beginning of lives without financial support from family....the true meaning of standing on one's own two feet...
Financial woes....of budgeting, planning for the future...
down payments soon to come....families to support along the way sometime in the future...
An unexplainable emotion....a mixture of excitement tied down by a looming fear....
Honestly blubbie, I have mix feelings....I hate to admit it but I was quite happy when you could accept my decision on postponing our plans for our ventures and in being housmies again to a mere 4 years compared to the 2 years planned ahead..
Reason being is I am not sure what I truly want to do yet...as in living here to earn more first so that we could have enough to work our plans around with...
Or give in to homesickness...and return in less than 3 years....
So is growing up all about making decisions?
Four years...and I'll be back=)...back to my roots...
Monday, August 4, 2008
What is love 2?
Quite possibly, I'm the last person to ever talk about true love...
I don't think I've ever fallen in love...only fallen in like...
Let's call it like at first sight then...haha..so yeah...about my super ex crush<=let's not use the color nickname we've been using on him for the past 4 years okay seeing that many others too know that nick i think....
You're right when you say we tend to be blinded upon by our feelings to our conception of our the ideal prince charming of our dreams...
Never in a million years would I have thought I could fall for a guy who differs much from what I dreamed of...but i guess that's what like at first sight truly is...
Would I ever fall in love? who knows...maybe...maybe not...it's not something I could decide upon single handedly. It takes two to fall in not possible"...she said "i'm not trying to ruin your idea of love, it would be great if you could achieve it, but in this life, it's nearly impossible to find such love, as if you won't understand what you truly want in a spouse, or find the right one if you don't date a few others...and might just regret it in your later life".
Friends often ask, "still no boyfriend" as though it's an essential good I should have at this age. When the reply is "no"..the often go "tsk, you're too picky....too choosy"....oh how wrong they were...for it's not so much a matter of how picky I truly am, for I may kid around my essentially list of criteria a guy should have but it's all but a joke...I don't really have a list...for I know the reality, if we were to be nitpicking other's credentials, they too would have done the same...expectations are fine so long as they are reasonable...and practical...
So for now, I'm happy the way relationship goes...which is being single...for I'll wait till the day when I meet someone who could accept and love me for what I am and could be...I won't lie...there will be times when i wish I too had that special someone who would be there for me when I walk past a couple holding hands while strolling down the park...or smiling upon each other as though the world had nothing but their love...but it's those moments, that makes me realize...I won't settle for the sake of blending in with society,or the perceptions of others that being 22 means having a boyfriend....
So to my dear dear blubbie, kl convert might or might not be the one...give it some time..but don't give up hope okay.....I'm on your side=)....always...
I don't think I've ever fallen in love...only fallen in like...
Let's call it like at first sight then...haha..so yeah...about my super ex crush<=let's not use the color nickname we've been using on him for the past 4 years okay seeing that many others too know that nick i think....
You're right when you say we tend to be blinded upon by our feelings to our conception of our the ideal prince charming of our dreams...
Never in a million years would I have thought I could fall for a guy who differs much from what I dreamed of...but i guess that's what like at first sight truly is...
Would I ever fall in love? who knows...maybe...maybe not...it's not something I could decide upon single handedly. It takes two to fall in not possible"...she said "i'm not trying to ruin your idea of love, it would be great if you could achieve it, but in this life, it's nearly impossible to find such love, as if you won't understand what you truly want in a spouse, or find the right one if you don't date a few others...and might just regret it in your later life".
Friends often ask, "still no boyfriend" as though it's an essential good I should have at this age. When the reply is "no"..the often go "tsk, you're too picky....too choosy"....oh how wrong they were...for it's not so much a matter of how picky I truly am, for I may kid around my essentially list of criteria a guy should have but it's all but a joke...I don't really have a list...for I know the reality, if we were to be nitpicking other's credentials, they too would have done the same...expectations are fine so long as they are reasonable...and practical...
So for now, I'm happy the way relationship goes...which is being single...for I'll wait till the day when I meet someone who could accept and love me for what I am and could be...I won't lie...there will be times when i wish I too had that special someone who would be there for me when I walk past a couple holding hands while strolling down the park...or smiling upon each other as though the world had nothing but their love...but it's those moments, that makes me realize...I won't settle for the sake of blending in with society,or the perceptions of others that being 22 means having a boyfriend....
So to my dear dear blubbie, kl convert might or might not be the one...give it some time..but don't give up hope okay.....I'm on your side=)....always...
Sunday, August 3, 2008
What is love?
Haiya.. since you ask me to post something.. cincai la.. post random thoughts. BEWARE: Rubbish, crap T_T
Recently, I had alot of realizations about love. Don't mind me la, nothing better to do (or think about). First, I realised love is really blind, most of the time. You don't know when or why or how you fell into it. It's just this ridiculous growth within your heart suddenly, sweet at times, but irritating most of the time. What's more, in front of love, all your previous criteria about your prince charming, all your previous notions and illusion about true love and happy marriages just seem so vague and meaningless. For the person right before you, is nothing like what you've imagined your prince charming to be. Someone you'll never expect to be with, in your wildest thought, when you first knew him. But yet something about him attracts you so deeply, that you'll miss him when you're not there.. As absurd as it may seem, it's the first time I realised how truly missing someone feels, and I've never felt that way for yeffsamy.
What brings me together with yeffsamy? It's probably not true love, I know. For when he tells me he likes me, I never did think of being together with him, even though I told him I liked him as well. I never did feel the sense of joy and happines, I just felt nothing. I knew the answer right from the start. It was a mixture of silly impulse and haunting memories. For the day we went to watch a performance together was so like the day four years ago, when me and first crush went to watch a concert together. I keep telling myself, on that day, to never let an opportunity pass again. It was selfish of me. And the relationship was plain disastrous, an illusion..
for months after the relationship, I was busy enjoying my freedom, not thinking of getting into a relationship at all.
And now, I feel and think differently. Maybe I've fully put the past behind me now. I no longer shun the thought of having a relationship, even if there's no future. I even think marriage is not such a horrifying thing, after all. I no longer compare kl convert with first crush, as I can't think of any ways that they are similar or any situation with him that reminds me of first crush.
Oh well, I know this will be a major disappointment and nothing will come out of it. Still, at least, I get a chance to realise what loving someone really feels like. Love is, loving someone for who they are, not for who they seem to be. Love is, unconditional. (I know these lines are cliche and you see them everywhere, but to read and to experience is a totally different thing)
Recently, I had alot of realizations about love. Don't mind me la, nothing better to do (or think about). First, I realised love is really blind, most of the time. You don't know when or why or how you fell into it. It's just this ridiculous growth within your heart suddenly, sweet at times, but irritating most of the time. What's more, in front of love, all your previous criteria about your prince charming, all your previous notions and illusion about true love and happy marriages just seem so vague and meaningless. For the person right before you, is nothing like what you've imagined your prince charming to be. Someone you'll never expect to be with, in your wildest thought, when you first knew him. But yet something about him attracts you so deeply, that you'll miss him when you're not there.. As absurd as it may seem, it's the first time I realised how truly missing someone feels, and I've never felt that way for yeffsamy.
What brings me together with yeffsamy? It's probably not true love, I know. For when he tells me he likes me, I never did think of being together with him, even though I told him I liked him as well. I never did feel the sense of joy and happines, I just felt nothing. I knew the answer right from the start. It was a mixture of silly impulse and haunting memories. For the day we went to watch a performance together was so like the day four years ago, when me and first crush went to watch a concert together. I keep telling myself, on that day, to never let an opportunity pass again. It was selfish of me. And the relationship was plain disastrous, an illusion..
for months after the relationship, I was busy enjoying my freedom, not thinking of getting into a relationship at all.
And now, I feel and think differently. Maybe I've fully put the past behind me now. I no longer shun the thought of having a relationship, even if there's no future. I even think marriage is not such a horrifying thing, after all. I no longer compare kl convert with first crush, as I can't think of any ways that they are similar or any situation with him that reminds me of first crush.
Oh well, I know this will be a major disappointment and nothing will come out of it. Still, at least, I get a chance to realise what loving someone really feels like. Love is, loving someone for who they are, not for who they seem to be. Love is, unconditional. (I know these lines are cliche and you see them everywhere, but to read and to experience is a totally different thing)
Friday, August 1, 2008
Hermit Hey ho Hey ho....
So true to the title, I have been and am being much of a hermit lately...ever since I've moved to the States really...
I think it all started when happiness ceased to exist in my first time living with others under one roof while away....What's with people I do not get along with, troubles and fire in the soul made me auto shut my self. What's with rumors of what nots spreading around about me which I do not know of but people who once knew me finding about makes me how I am...
Friends I made here have told me that ever since that semester, it seems as though I have always build a wall along the way..always reserved...A wall which I had put on for fear of being rumored upon...
Funnily enough, even though I had always pretended as though it never affected me, it made me even more of a hermit as I was beginning to think that if I kept to myself even more, people are less likely to find fault in me or have things to say...but that didn't help either as then some people think i am a stuck up snot who thinks of herself as to be better than others, by not mixing with her own countrymen.
That was the end of it really....I cried when talking to my dad on the phone...up till that day I never realize how much I had bottled in me...see the lousy thing about me is that i wear my emotions on my sleeves...try as hard as i may to bite my tongue...i would always end up crying when confronted...but my dad never falters.........he told me it doesn't matter....let them spread all those rumors as they like even if it isn't true and that I should always keep my chin up and know that family will always be there for me..and if people chose to believe those rumors, then they are and will never be my my true friends.....
I've learnt that it takes two sides and that i could have been very much at fault for any fallouts that happened on the first semester.
True, I may not have always been the most friendly person in the whole wide world...but that's only the exterior as I have always have a fear that at first glance, people might not like me or might find me a tad annoying, therefore the first impression of being cold and unfriendly, which is not helped much by my fearfully unsmiling face.
Smiling has not been my thing...so that explains my feature of looking fierce. On top of that, I am not one with high confidence, especially when it comes to looks....a face covered in acne has always made me cast my eyes down upon the floor..I think it is mostly the reason as to why i never had bangs as I could always hide my face behind my hair......
I've lost many a friends I made in college....for lack of communication and keeping in touch made me even more reserved. Partly the reason for it has been me feeling insecure if they don't remember me or could barely find topics to talk about...
Ironically, I do tend to make friends easily, but keeping in touch with them has been the hard part...so I've always been grateful for a handful of friends who mean the world to me...even as we are all scattered miles apart from one another...
Sometimes I feel as though all this while I've been putting up a front....just to hide away from how i truly feel about things...
Gone were the fire breathing me back in high school....even though I tend to be all bubbly and talk about the most rubbish stuff the world could ever think of, I've lost the fire within....for some of it was a mere facade to hide what I truly feel...
Nevertheless, even so, I've been happy...though some days felt lonesome....I've sense that I've grown up much...
And grateful for everything I have...
Especially now, when I have put the past behind...things may not always go as planned, true that not everyone will have a good impression of me...but what counts is that I've tried and will not let them get to me as easily anymore...
As for those who do count, I've also learned that friends of such should always be kept connected...no matter how much an effort it takes..=)
So here's to a new beginning..an end of a curse i cast upon myself...
I think it all started when happiness ceased to exist in my first time living with others under one roof while away....What's with people I do not get along with, troubles and fire in the soul made me auto shut my self. What's with rumors of what nots spreading around about me which I do not know of but people who once knew me finding about makes me how I am...
Friends I made here have told me that ever since that semester, it seems as though I have always build a wall along the way..always reserved...A wall which I had put on for fear of being rumored upon...
Funnily enough, even though I had always pretended as though it never affected me, it made me even more of a hermit as I was beginning to think that if I kept to myself even more, people are less likely to find fault in me or have things to say...but that didn't help either as then some people think i am a stuck up snot who thinks of herself as to be better than others, by not mixing with her own countrymen.
That was the end of it really....I cried when talking to my dad on the phone...up till that day I never realize how much I had bottled in me...see the lousy thing about me is that i wear my emotions on my sleeves...try as hard as i may to bite my tongue...i would always end up crying when confronted...but my dad never falters.........he told me it doesn't matter....let them spread all those rumors as they like even if it isn't true and that I should always keep my chin up and know that family will always be there for me..and if people chose to believe those rumors, then they are and will never be my my true friends.....
I've learnt that it takes two sides and that i could have been very much at fault for any fallouts that happened on the first semester.
True, I may not have always been the most friendly person in the whole wide world...but that's only the exterior as I have always have a fear that at first glance, people might not like me or might find me a tad annoying, therefore the first impression of being cold and unfriendly, which is not helped much by my fearfully unsmiling face.
Smiling has not been my thing...so that explains my feature of looking fierce. On top of that, I am not one with high confidence, especially when it comes to looks....a face covered in acne has always made me cast my eyes down upon the floor..I think it is mostly the reason as to why i never had bangs as I could always hide my face behind my hair......
I've lost many a friends I made in college....for lack of communication and keeping in touch made me even more reserved. Partly the reason for it has been me feeling insecure if they don't remember me or could barely find topics to talk about...
Ironically, I do tend to make friends easily, but keeping in touch with them has been the hard part...so I've always been grateful for a handful of friends who mean the world to me...even as we are all scattered miles apart from one another...
Sometimes I feel as though all this while I've been putting up a front....just to hide away from how i truly feel about things...
Gone were the fire breathing me back in high school....even though I tend to be all bubbly and talk about the most rubbish stuff the world could ever think of, I've lost the fire within....for some of it was a mere facade to hide what I truly feel...
Nevertheless, even so, I've been happy...though some days felt lonesome....I've sense that I've grown up much...
And grateful for everything I have...
Especially now, when I have put the past behind...things may not always go as planned, true that not everyone will have a good impression of me...but what counts is that I've tried and will not let them get to me as easily anymore...
As for those who do count, I've also learned that friends of such should always be kept connected...no matter how much an effort it takes..=)
So here's to a new beginning..an end of a curse i cast upon myself...
Saturday, July 12, 2008
belated birthday cum graduation cake
haha.. actually it's not my party.. my mum asked her colleagues over for dinner.. so shun bian buy cake for me onli T__T
graduation
hoho graduation pics.. the rest i accidentally deleted (the resized ones).. go my facebook and see la.. got my graduation dinner pics oso =P
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Reply
boo.. some people the opposite of cinderella.. come online after midnight.. people now working ler.. haf to wake up so early of cuz muz get beauty sleep T__T and ur cacat internet laa... talk to u sometimes so long then reply.. doze off la... you lah, come online at afternoon mah huahua =D eekss.. dun hug me KICK... on a side note, today I wore BOTH of my contact lenses to work wahaha finally~~~ eh cannot muz have pressie.. where's the prada bag i wanted.. whiness... screams... screeches... scratches nail on blackboard... haiya.. message too long.. this was intended to be a comment.. in the end transfer to new blog post... can type more crap.. you find me a kids producing partner la.. so that you have kids to play with hahahaha... oh dear, I'm so old now.. 22 =(
eh I just noticed.. wat favourite Jean of all Jeans I know.. you only know 1 Jean right T______________T so sad
eh I just noticed.. wat favourite Jean of all Jeans I know.. you only know 1 Jean right T______________T so sad
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
OOOHHHHHH ZOO BABY ZOO BABY IT'S YOUR DAY~~~~~~~
TO My favorite Jean of all Jean in I know
HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY!!!
may you have a good one especially since I've seen you less and less online especially after some people always proclaim that she needs her beauty sleep cough pig cough....not like my cacat internet cannot connect has anything to do with it lah...cough cough
So happy birthday i am so broke i got not pressies for you la..cough cough....
errr big girl liao...must err find good job, settle down and give me angbao and kids to play with cough i don't do babysitting cough i give your kids back when they whine cough cough....
so lots of hugs and i will intend on emotionally and spiritually hug you for the rest fo the 48 hours....eh why you ask cause time difference ma cough can hug longer hoho cough
HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY!!!
may you have a good one especially since I've seen you less and less online especially after some people always proclaim that she needs her beauty sleep cough pig cough....not like my cacat internet cannot connect has anything to do with it lah...cough cough
So happy birthday i am so broke i got not pressies for you la..cough cough....
errr big girl liao...must err find good job, settle down and give me angbao and kids to play with cough i don't do babysitting cough i give your kids back when they whine cough cough....
so lots of hugs and i will intend on emotionally and spiritually hug you for the rest fo the 48 hours....eh why you ask cause time difference ma cough can hug longer hoho cough
Monday, July 7, 2008
My contact lens saga
Blubbs... so... I bought my first packet of monthly contact lens this weekend.... and asked the shop assistant to teach me how to wear. But you know me la, I'm such a scaredy cat.. Don't even dare to open my eye wide, touching my eyeball is almost impossible.. Tried and tried, but cannot, until my brother start to complain that we need to go home and eat dinner =__=
Hoho.. so go back home and practice lor... After so so so so so many hours, somehow I managed to get the right contact lens in my eye.. I forgot how I did it.. divine intervention maybe.. Nevertheless it felt really great to have nice vision! Even though abit weird, like there's some rubber band in my eye.. But sigh.. no matter how I try I can't get the left one in Then while I'm talking to my mum and my aunt (her family and my grandparents came down from KL for a visit ^^).. the right contact lens just fell out from my eyelid!!!!!! =_____________________= Fine fine... FINE..
Next day, practice time again... But no success.. not even one eye, so sad.. My left shoulder is aching badly.. I think because of me lifting up my arm to pry my eyes open.. sobzzz.. T__________T But at least now I dare to touch my eyeball, but but then the lens won't stick to my eye.. it won't leave my finger... maybe I blink too much or maybe my eyes didn't open big enough...sigh... in the end I try try touch here touch there (all the wrong places!) and got my eyes red =( At night I tried again, got the right one in but it felt so uncomfortable! I think I wore the wrong side of the lens.. so had to remove.. first time remove contact lens, it was much easier though.. I just put my finger on my eye and keep moving (more like rubbing) it off the corner of my eye.. hoho.. very special method right.. why I so pathetic T___T
Today hoho... I woke up super early to try my contact lens before I go to work (Well.. err I reset my alarm clock 2 times.. each time half an hour later cuz I cannot bear to leave my cosy bed) But but still, I woke about half an hour early.. Shoulder still aching T__T Now at least I dare to look in the mirror when I'm touching my eyes instead of looking elsewhere.. got improvement right?? After don't know how many tries.. I managed to get the left one in this time.. yahoo... But then............. I can't get the right one in!!!!!!!!!!!! I keep on trying for about 20 minutes, sometimes it got in but senget.. too downwards.. so when I blink it fell off instantly... I tried until I think I'm gonna be really late if I don't move.. I didn't want to waste the time and effort I spent putting on the left contact lens.. so I left my place wearing only one contact lens. I know, very stupid idea =____= at first still can tahan, but after a few hours I felt so giddy because my eyes cannot focus properly... go to toilet to remove T________T the same old self-invented rubbing way.. in the end my left eye got red... and the skin near my right eyelid is so pink and sore right now (because I keep on pushing it open).. I think I have a bruise around that area (it hurts when I press down, I don't think it's a pimple) sobz.... T________T
Blubbs tell me why la... Why am I so useless?? First time wearers can get the contact lens in both eyes after few hours.. I try for few days can only get one eye T___T Tell me why... sobz... Teach me how to wear lah..
Hoho.. so go back home and practice lor... After so so so so so many hours, somehow I managed to get the right contact lens in my eye.. I forgot how I did it.. divine intervention maybe.. Nevertheless it felt really great to have nice vision! Even though abit weird, like there's some rubber band in my eye.. But sigh.. no matter how I try I can't get the left one in Then while I'm talking to my mum and my aunt (her family and my grandparents came down from KL for a visit ^^).. the right contact lens just fell out from my eyelid!!!!!! =_____________________= Fine fine... FINE..
Next day, practice time again... But no success.. not even one eye, so sad.. My left shoulder is aching badly.. I think because of me lifting up my arm to pry my eyes open.. sobzzz.. T__________T But at least now I dare to touch my eyeball, but but then the lens won't stick to my eye.. it won't leave my finger... maybe I blink too much or maybe my eyes didn't open big enough...sigh... in the end I try try touch here touch there (all the wrong places!) and got my eyes red =( At night I tried again, got the right one in but it felt so uncomfortable! I think I wore the wrong side of the lens.. so had to remove.. first time remove contact lens, it was much easier though.. I just put my finger on my eye and keep moving (more like rubbing) it off the corner of my eye.. hoho.. very special method right.. why I so pathetic T___T
Today hoho... I woke up super early to try my contact lens before I go to work (Well.. err I reset my alarm clock 2 times.. each time half an hour later cuz I cannot bear to leave my cosy bed) But but still, I woke about half an hour early.. Shoulder still aching T__T Now at least I dare to look in the mirror when I'm touching my eyes instead of looking elsewhere.. got improvement right?? After don't know how many tries.. I managed to get the left one in this time.. yahoo... But then............. I can't get the right one in!!!!!!!!!!!! I keep on trying for about 20 minutes, sometimes it got in but senget.. too downwards.. so when I blink it fell off instantly... I tried until I think I'm gonna be really late if I don't move.. I didn't want to waste the time and effort I spent putting on the left contact lens.. so I left my place wearing only one contact lens. I know, very stupid idea =____= at first still can tahan, but after a few hours I felt so giddy because my eyes cannot focus properly... go to toilet to remove T________T the same old self-invented rubbing way.. in the end my left eye got red... and the skin near my right eyelid is so pink and sore right now (because I keep on pushing it open).. I think I have a bruise around that area (it hurts when I press down, I don't think it's a pimple) sobz.... T________T
Blubbs tell me why la... Why am I so useless?? First time wearers can get the contact lens in both eyes after few hours.. I try for few days can only get one eye T___T Tell me why... sobz... Teach me how to wear lah..
My irresistably cute bunny
Haiz.. he in Malaysia now.. enjoying Kampung (or maybe ghetto life).. lots of grass for him to munch on plus my mum always feeding him =_=
Err.. by the way, a very gentle friendly reminder.. my birthday is coming soon.. 2 days later.. ohoho
Err.. by the way, a very gentle friendly reminder.. my birthday is coming soon.. 2 days later.. ohoho
Saturday, July 5, 2008
An Emo a Day Keeps the Doctor at Bay
My parents just left for NYC before flying back home....
No sense of emotion has yet to set in simply because it feels as though I had just dropped them off at the mall and will be picking them up soon in an hour or so....
While I was waiting for my parents to pass through the security point at the airport, my dad waved once to say goodbye...but I felt like those stupid tears would come trickling down so instead, I told him, " Pa...don't forget to remove your shoesT_T".
Clad in a crumpled shirt and a pair of shorts, while hugging a blankie my mom left in the car, I waited for them to pass through those gates all in the watchful eye of the guard who must have looked at me like I was a potential weirdoT___________T
Funny how ironic life can get....
Among the 5 people I care most for and would love to have by my side at the top of my head:
1, 2=Parents
3=sister
4=sookimani
5=blubbie
Instead, I have 5 other people I constantly meet up with instead:
1=the mailman,maillady
2=the dog that tries to poo in front of my house
3=the man at panera who tried to clear up my plates just cause i have been sitting there for an hour stealing/no it's using their internet
4=Does patrick my toy plushie count?(oh no...i am officially a hermit in distress!!!)
5=does my car counts???????
Oh well....
On an interesting note here are some amazing entertainment moments when my parents were around:
1. My mom and I were making soap opera out of the lives of my two neighbors an older lady and a mid 40s man. they both also live in a studio just like me only two doors away.....my mom and I think that they are having an affair hohoho...okayla..romantically linked because they are both without family..affair means must be behind back right..cough....unfortunately my dad doesn't see our point in pursuing thisT_T and claims no la they are just friends....all because the man not handsome woman older=________________=
2. my father doesn't always side me!!!!!! i saw a lady must be one of the neighbors la okay around my front compound with a doggie so i instantly thought eh she brought her dog to poo in front of my house!!!!!then my mom who was in the shower came out and I told her about it...then my father says no la....not the usual dog pooing neighbor...so i agreed...adding on "ya she looks like a Jamaican lady" the you noe instead of nodding his head like a dad should...he goes" no la..where gotT_T" then i say got la see her skin color he goes...how I noe what race she isT________T the only jamaican I noe is bob marley...you tell me laT_T how to sayang him moreT_T
okay to be continued battery lari gone liao
No sense of emotion has yet to set in simply because it feels as though I had just dropped them off at the mall and will be picking them up soon in an hour or so....
While I was waiting for my parents to pass through the security point at the airport, my dad waved once to say goodbye...but I felt like those stupid tears would come trickling down so instead, I told him, " Pa...don't forget to remove your shoesT_T".
Clad in a crumpled shirt and a pair of shorts, while hugging a blankie my mom left in the car, I waited for them to pass through those gates all in the watchful eye of the guard who must have looked at me like I was a potential weirdoT___________T
Funny how ironic life can get....
Among the 5 people I care most for and would love to have by my side at the top of my head:
1, 2=Parents
3=sister
4=sookimani
5=blubbie
Instead, I have 5 other people I constantly meet up with instead:
1=the mailman,maillady
2=the dog that tries to poo in front of my house
3=the man at panera who tried to clear up my plates just cause i have been sitting there for an hour stealing/no it's using their internet
4=Does patrick my toy plushie count?(oh no...i am officially a hermit in distress!!!)
5=does my car counts???????
Oh well....
On an interesting note here are some amazing entertainment moments when my parents were around:
1. My mom and I were making soap opera out of the lives of my two neighbors an older lady and a mid 40s man. they both also live in a studio just like me only two doors away.....my mom and I think that they are having an affair hohoho...okayla..romantically linked because they are both without family..affair means must be behind back right..cough....unfortunately my dad doesn't see our point in pursuing thisT_T and claims no la they are just friends....all because the man not handsome woman older=________________=
2. my father doesn't always side me!!!!!! i saw a lady must be one of the neighbors la okay around my front compound with a doggie so i instantly thought eh she brought her dog to poo in front of my house!!!!!then my mom who was in the shower came out and I told her about it...then my father says no la....not the usual dog pooing neighbor...so i agreed...adding on "ya she looks like a Jamaican lady" the you noe instead of nodding his head like a dad should...he goes" no la..where gotT_T" then i say got la see her skin color he goes...how I noe what race she isT________T the only jamaican I noe is bob marley...you tell me laT_T how to sayang him moreT_T
okay to be continued battery lari gone liao
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Random pic
Lol.. was digging for pictures to send to a family friend... and I chose this representative picture to send (the most recent pic with most of the family inside mah) My brother's convocation.. and sexy me with makeup (I know my hair is messy la.. I haven't had a haircut for months during that time)
Sunday, June 29, 2008
We Were Not Meant to Be....
It's sad but it's true.....sob sob.....
It breaks my heart to have to say soT____________T
But we're so not meant to be....
We've had some happy times...but it'll never work in the long run...
Nah I compiled a list of reasons why:
1. Eh you cannot speak hokkien how la are we going to last long...like how if one day we're in front of a group of people...and i need to say breakwind la...if you can speak hokkien right....i can whisper to you loudly eh jean wa ai pang pui liao....but you cannot understand then how la...i ma no faceT_________________T
2. You're so abusiveT______________T i am a gentle soul okay...i like hugs and piggyback rides but you would always kick meT__________________T
3. You're always flirting how how......
Okay la...i am so sweet you are not..that's the end bai bai...
It breaks my heart to have to say soT____________T
But we're so not meant to be....
We've had some happy times...but it'll never work in the long run...
Nah I compiled a list of reasons why:
1. Eh you cannot speak hokkien how la are we going to last long...like how if one day we're in front of a group of people...and i need to say breakwind la...if you can speak hokkien right....i can whisper to you loudly eh jean wa ai pang pui liao....but you cannot understand then how la...i ma no faceT_________________T
2. You're so abusiveT______________T i am a gentle soul okay...i like hugs and piggyback rides but you would always kick meT__________________T
3. You're always flirting how how......
Okay la...i am so sweet you are not..that's the end bai bai...
China picsss
Night view of Shanghai, very beautiful (10x nicer than my crappy pics T_T)
White peacock.. first time see.. so nice haha (even though I'm scared of birds)
The whole tour group.. all aunties and uncles T_T
Hehe.. bought this shirt and khaki pants in China.. very cheap ;)
White peacock.. first time see.. so nice haha (even though I'm scared of birds)
The whole tour group.. all aunties and uncles T_T
Hehe.. bought this shirt and khaki pants in China.. very cheap ;)
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Future
Seriously, I don't know what my future holds for me.
I can't even imagine myself three months from now, what kind of job will I be holding? Will I be studying?
I don't even know what I want to do. I do have a dream. But money, talent and passion are really at opposite ends of the scale. It's hard to balance, it's hard to chose. What I'm good at, I'm probably not interested. What I enjoy doing, I probably am not good enough.
Now I fully understand what is it like to be at a crossroad. A crossroad leading to the next phase of my life. Which of the possibilities are for me?
I'm lost. Passively waiting... leaving the choice to others, letting others decide my fate.
I can't even imagine myself three months from now, what kind of job will I be holding? Will I be studying?
I don't even know what I want to do. I do have a dream. But money, talent and passion are really at opposite ends of the scale. It's hard to balance, it's hard to chose. What I'm good at, I'm probably not interested. What I enjoy doing, I probably am not good enough.
Now I fully understand what is it like to be at a crossroad. A crossroad leading to the next phase of my life. Which of the possibilities are for me?
I'm lost. Passively waiting... leaving the choice to others, letting others decide my fate.
Change
Slowly, one by one, I'm starting to get sick and push away things I used to do, things I'm supposed to be responsible for. Where am I heading? For change? Or maybe I just need a break. But no matter how much I rest, it never seems to be enough. I guess I've lost my purpose and goal. Until I find a job heeheee...
Don't know what to write...
I remember I started a diary in secondary school because I didn’t want to forget. I wanted to be able to look back and remember the past I had. Things I have lost and gained. How I have grown and changed. I’m not sure whether I’ll look at my past in joy , pity or sorrow. What I wanted is probably to cherish and savour the minutes and hours I’ve lived, every inch I’ve walked on earth.
But it’s not the same anymore. Words don’t come out as easily. Neither does tears. They’re all bottled up, sealed in a package and mailed to an unknown, faraway place deep down my heart. To be sunk, never to be located, touched or opened again. But there’s a rock bottom even in the deepest of oceans, and all our troubles, worries and insecurities can never disappear. They’ll just pile up silently-- insignificant dust particles that you clean up today only to find another layer forming tomorrow.
There are times where I want to dig up all the mess, to let it all out. To tell someone how lost I am, how scared I am, how disgusted I am, how upset I am. Of the future, of my life, of everything -- all the ramblings in my heart, no matter how silly and frivolous they are. But my screams turned silent before they reach my throat--struggling, choked and eventually turning cold, strangled by the monster called ‘reason’.
All the words I want to say, all my thoughts and feelings are rash, hurtful, inconsiderate and selfish. I know perfectly what I should do, how I should behave, how I should compromise to make people around me and probably myself happy. I should be mature, I should be considerate, I should be accommodating… And it’s precisely because I know that I can’t bring myself to say the words out aloud.
So I’m smiling. I don’t mind. Nothing’s bothering me. Everything’s fine, everything’s okay,. Everything’s just… suppressed. I write only to find myself not knowing where to start, how to start. I write only to find my heart sealed with carefully phrased and decorated words. As one grows up, words don’t mean a thing anymore. Because people no longer listen, they no longer understand.
But it’s not the same anymore. Words don’t come out as easily. Neither does tears. They’re all bottled up, sealed in a package and mailed to an unknown, faraway place deep down my heart. To be sunk, never to be located, touched or opened again. But there’s a rock bottom even in the deepest of oceans, and all our troubles, worries and insecurities can never disappear. They’ll just pile up silently-- insignificant dust particles that you clean up today only to find another layer forming tomorrow.
There are times where I want to dig up all the mess, to let it all out. To tell someone how lost I am, how scared I am, how disgusted I am, how upset I am. Of the future, of my life, of everything -- all the ramblings in my heart, no matter how silly and frivolous they are. But my screams turned silent before they reach my throat--struggling, choked and eventually turning cold, strangled by the monster called ‘reason’.
All the words I want to say, all my thoughts and feelings are rash, hurtful, inconsiderate and selfish. I know perfectly what I should do, how I should behave, how I should compromise to make people around me and probably myself happy. I should be mature, I should be considerate, I should be accommodating… And it’s precisely because I know that I can’t bring myself to say the words out aloud.
So I’m smiling. I don’t mind. Nothing’s bothering me. Everything’s fine, everything’s okay,. Everything’s just… suppressed. I write only to find myself not knowing where to start, how to start. I write only to find my heart sealed with carefully phrased and decorated words. As one grows up, words don’t mean a thing anymore. Because people no longer listen, they no longer understand.
Long time no see
Yoyo long time no seee
Got miss me or not?
I moved house ages ago.. Let you see my beautiful room bah ahaha
My brother's room
My sister's room
Got miss me or not?
I moved house ages ago.. Let you see my beautiful room bah ahaha
My brother's room
My sister's room
Monday, May 12, 2008
Fading....
The lingering memories are slowly fading...heart fails to hold the grasp as it slowly slips past...and so this is goodbye.......
Monday, May 5, 2008
People, Just Like Family
Friends......can't live without themT_________________T<=yes even though I'm a proclaimed hermit, I need to talk to these people online almost weeklyT___________T
In kindergarten, I had an abundance number of friends.....
In primary school....i had many friends.....some whom i would quarrel with and be friends again within minutes....
In secondary I had a number of friends.....
In college, I had some friends....
In university, I have a handful of friendsT_____T
However, there's just a handful of those would never cease to appear in my time of needsT_________T....so kamtung okay....there's always there to cheer me up.....to accompany me places, gives advice, fulfilling my evil dreams with meT__________T
So here goes in no particular order.....okayla...got order=x.....by when I met themT____________T
SM:
I first met her in high school okay.....even before my best friend became the head prefect, I knew she had leadership=x..hahahaha.....see la i elected you to be our lab row leader okay=xcough cough cause you look quite garang then cough cough.....I then knew that we were meant to be best friends for life all because you were so nice to me in form 1.T______________T....you remember the stupid NILAM program before kanimari became our NILAM advisor whereby we really had to read a book for one hour? I had the worst tummy ache one day during NILAMT______________T and you were there for meT__________Tso sweet i so kamtung even after 11 years later..see la I knew we would be best buddies then*kembang*......you accompanied me to the rest room twiceT_T because you were scared I would passed out or won't have the energy to unlock the lock in our class bathroomT______________T....then when nilam session started, you let me sleep on your knee for one whole hour till there was a red spot on your leg where my head rested upon without complaining about my heavy head...so sweetT________T.....while lending me your hand literally for the whole hour to squeeze till it became white after an hour, brushing my hair every once a while to ask me if i am still in much pain while whispering loudly with the rest of the NILAM gossiping gang so that I can hear without missing out on juicy gossips while in painT_T...
We then went for tuitions together whereby you had to endure embarrassments when we go out makan without the gang before tuition because i would walk in the chap fan shop, survey then walk out because I don't see anything I like while your face turn beet red because the mand had scooped rice onto a plate assuming we were patronsT_T...i never did tell him eh i want to eat okayT_T...even though you were so paiseh you tolerated meT_T....and you would give in to my cravingsT_T for briyani and we would walk further to get them.....while sharing the big super gulp which i drink 2/3 of=__________=...even back then i was a water tank...while i would throw all my unwanted dishes from my nasi lemak to your packet while you so kindly peel my fish for meT___________T...because i would end up trying with no avail to debone my own fish....nagging me with a watchful eye to eat the egg white because i was too picky so now i eat the whole egg happily as a grown up=x
We were Kemahiran Hidup partners, and before I left for college, I could not even boil water on a stoveT____________T<=i was scared of the gas stove......and we had to cook fish...ahahahaha...i still remember us freaking out because the fish got stuck in on the pan when we tried to flip it...hahaha.....why so cacat one.....=x......and remember how we took home our shares and our parents dare not try...hahahahhaa......actually the fish came out great la okay...cough cough thanks to your bravery for finally flipping it like my own personal hang tuah=x....but the vege came out bland...hahahhahaa.....
The girl whom I talked to everyday on the phone after school...hahahaha....and my parents always asked got so much to talk meh=_________=...you just saw each other like 10 hours in school=x
When i was in college, you would call me up weeklyT______________T....because you told me it's cheaper for you to call instead because my number was considered outstation being in klT_________________T......talking to me for hours...T_T.....calling me on my birthday to wish meT___________T
You even checked my SPM result for me before me dad went to relinquish me from worriesT_T...
Even now while i'm in the states i would call you and you would always willingly listen to meT_T.....
I don't ever know what I would have done had we not been friendsT____________________T
So here's to a good 11 years*don't pretend la...old say old la=x* and many more to come.....
JR
My first college friendT_________T...we've had our ups and downs.....
We clicked off the moment we met on orientation night....then became buddies overnight......luck has it you even ran into my dad before knowing he was my dad...see la fate okay we'll be friends for life..hoho....
We both would gabber away complaining about how mundane lessons were in the dreaded english prereq which turn out quite fun after all....
hanging out everyday be it for classes or for fun....=)...sunway was our place....walking all the way daily to eat......you would always tolerate me because i was still picky on food thenT__________T.....and we would go to your favorite comic store which I was not too big of a fan because I was a banana then and they were all in chineseT_____________T...giving in to me to take the cab back for a 3 mins ride to hostel because I hated walking under the scorching sun...
I was sad when you decided to move out of the hostel...you were always there for me though....when I got so sick with fever and no voice, you ran all the way from your block to mine just to make sure I had my medicationT_T....you listened to me croack my barney song while tolerating me kindly...T_T
Oh how I miss those days when we would hang out for sleepovers at your place watching DVDS, going to pasar malams, summit, and kl.......
you taught me how to catch a bus in kl remember=P
So we came to the states and I wasn't a great friend the very last semester you were hereT_____________T.....because we had our own friends, and I failed to realized situations you were in.....I am truly sorry for being such a horrible friend and had thought you were mad at me which i should think I deserved one year after you decided to leaveT_T....It was lonely without you here.....but I was more concern about you..till you decided to come online again one year after.....and it made me smile to learn that you were never mad at me..with that I thank you...
I promise to be a greater friend for our friendship meant a lot to me.....you had always been there for me my whole college life... who truly stood by me all the while even till know=)
Jean blubbie:
My soulmateT___________T
Remember the first day we met jean....oh how I should have thank my lucky stars that I decided to move with Sugi when she told me she was allergic to the carpeted room even though living with her meant i had to sleep with lights on for two yearsT_T...else we would never have met=)
I still remember the vivid image of how we met....
You were sweeping your room floor=_________________=...so unclassy=xahahahahhaha.....=xcough cough
I wouldn't have had the guts to talk to you had it not been for your shirtT_T
You were wearing the same identical shirt I had which came in a different colours....I seriously knew then we were soulmates there and there even with you being an ah sam fashion of floor sweeping okay*big shiny eyes.
Seriously though...haha it's not what you think okay...your version was whylah my new housmie so mean oneT_T...the look she gave me was like i stole her shirt....i never once thought that okay...cough cough....
Who knew would would have been such loving friends...cough cough....
The one person I rarely disagree or had a fight withT______________T
We shared everything.....our clothes, our grocery bills, our cooking chores.....except you wouldn't share your bolsieT__________T
There was one time though that I still owe you an apology...you were so sweet to let me use your laptop while i was waiting for mine for 2 whole months dailyT___________T....even leaving it behind when you went home...why you so sweet.....but there was once you accidentally spilled my milk on you own laptop and you were worried about my disc assignment instead of your own laptopT__________T you are the most selfless person I know and I'm sorry you had to worry about my assignments...I love you to bits.....
We did almost everything together too.....we went out together, tabao food together....go shopping together....gossip together=x
You were like a younger sister I never had=)..and you'll always be like a sister to me....
I'll never forget the birthday gifts you send me and care packages while I am here in the states to cheer me up.....
Talk rubbish with me even while you're busy with assignments till 5am in the morning just to accomodate my hoursT_________T...console me when I needed it most....
Even agreeing to fulfill my dream with me in a few years time.....one of which we'll make come true okay.....=).....we find la submissive husbands who would agree to having us build a connecting bridges to our homes so that we can send our kids safely to play together while having meals together=)....and we're going to be housmies again soon...in a couple of years..think of the terror...hahaha...basil coming too=x...and we'll get a terrier okay.....=)
I also felt so touched when in my last year of college in sunway, you would come all the way with sam to kl just so I wouldn't be lonely for my birthday..thank youT_T...and i still have the humongous bear you guys gave me....even though my mother hid it in the cupboard so that it wouldn't collect dust and she wouldn't have to wash an extra plushie when I come back for vacationsT_T
We've met up yearly without fail=) each of my vacations...whereby you would always compromised to my decision and my ppk ness....T_T...coming all the way to the north because I wouldn't go to jb=x......our kl trip whereby I realized how much I miss having you aroundT_T
Those were the days when we were so kiasu and we would plug in three mouse on your laptop just to play the NBA game just so we could shoot more balls into the net to win the game....
Now...you have blossomed into a sweet pretty young lady still petite as ever while your other half here has blossomed sideways into a little teapotT____________T...oh the irony...but oppposites attract eh....
I know we'll always be the best of friends just because there's no one I rather have than you to bring up our kids with while slowing growing old watching dramas with....
So i sayang you banyak banyak and we'll meet again soon enough eh=)
EW
My prettiest ever college mate....the girl who had it all...the brains,the beauty, yet the most demure and down to earth none snooty girl I've known.T_T.....
Always there with me for classes when others would ponteng and we had to sign like 6 signatures in malaysian studies class so much so that the lecturer hated usT_T for signing the attendance sheet for them....you never failed to come to class even though you don't feel like it because you knew I would be aloneT_________T
Always tolerating my crazy ideas in class...never letting me die of boredom in class by doing crazy stuff with me...
I miss those days...
You were also always there to help me like when I had to moveT____________T
I miss those days when we were closer.....sadly we've drifted apart upon coming to the states....however....i know we'll always be friends because you're one friend I would want to ever lose
Remember how were we musketeers in class=)
SS
Dearest Sharon....=)
The sweetest girl who never had a bad bone in her.....
You were like a sister to me here..pshaw....who cares if were's of different race la....haha..like we've always said.....we're the unique twins...haha...
An elder sister you were..always worring about this silly girl......looking after me....
Thank to you, I never had to feel lonely=)
You were always making sure I had my meals...haha...bringing me little snacks and fulfilling my briyani cravings which was almost weekly...making me my favorite fish patties when i craved for them....
Visiting me almost every saturday while i was at work..popping in to see how i was doing=)
Even after you left, you never fail to watch over me...haha...calling me up weekly for my hourly chats...
I am ultimately grateful for all your advice,tolerance on my nonsense which was many....hehe....
Remember the time we walked home from target and it took us 2 hours and yet you were happy to do it with my spur of moment craziness...
OUr bus days are gone...if you were still in this county, I would have gladly drove you anywhere you needed...
But texas is only but a few hundred miles away=) and i promise to visit you soon....till then it'll be our weekly calls...
So these are among the five girls that I could never live without and would not dare imagine what it'll be like had I not known them=(....
Ya all girls cause I am scared of guys cause I dunno why...hahah just kidding...
So everytime I would think I have no one to talk to, all I have to do is look back on memories I've had with them...and rmeember...that they will always be there for me....
Even when I look like an obese teapot..all short and stout
In kindergarten, I had an abundance number of friends.....
In primary school....i had many friends.....some whom i would quarrel with and be friends again within minutes....
In secondary I had a number of friends.....
In college, I had some friends....
In university, I have a handful of friendsT_____T
However, there's just a handful of those would never cease to appear in my time of needsT_________T....so kamtung okay....there's always there to cheer me up.....to accompany me places, gives advice, fulfilling my evil dreams with meT__________T
So here goes in no particular order.....okayla...got order=x.....by when I met themT____________T
SM:
I first met her in high school okay.....even before my best friend became the head prefect, I knew she had leadership=x..hahahaha.....see la i elected you to be our lab row leader okay=xcough cough cause you look quite garang then cough cough.....I then knew that we were meant to be best friends for life all because you were so nice to me in form 1.T______________T....you remember the stupid NILAM program before kanimari became our NILAM advisor whereby we really had to read a book for one hour? I had the worst tummy ache one day during NILAMT______________T and you were there for meT__________Tso sweet i so kamtung even after 11 years later..see la I knew we would be best buddies then*kembang*......you accompanied me to the rest room twiceT_T because you were scared I would passed out or won't have the energy to unlock the lock in our class bathroomT______________T....then when nilam session started, you let me sleep on your knee for one whole hour till there was a red spot on your leg where my head rested upon without complaining about my heavy head...so sweetT________T.....while lending me your hand literally for the whole hour to squeeze till it became white after an hour, brushing my hair every once a while to ask me if i am still in much pain while whispering loudly with the rest of the NILAM gossiping gang so that I can hear without missing out on juicy gossips while in painT_T...
We then went for tuitions together whereby you had to endure embarrassments when we go out makan without the gang before tuition because i would walk in the chap fan shop, survey then walk out because I don't see anything I like while your face turn beet red because the mand had scooped rice onto a plate assuming we were patronsT_T...i never did tell him eh i want to eat okayT_T...even though you were so paiseh you tolerated meT_T....and you would give in to my cravingsT_T for briyani and we would walk further to get them.....while sharing the big super gulp which i drink 2/3 of=__________=...even back then i was a water tank...while i would throw all my unwanted dishes from my nasi lemak to your packet while you so kindly peel my fish for meT___________T...because i would end up trying with no avail to debone my own fish....nagging me with a watchful eye to eat the egg white because i was too picky so now i eat the whole egg happily as a grown up=x
We were Kemahiran Hidup partners, and before I left for college, I could not even boil water on a stoveT____________T<=i was scared of the gas stove......and we had to cook fish...ahahahaha...i still remember us freaking out because the fish got stuck in on the pan when we tried to flip it...hahaha.....why so cacat one.....=x......and remember how we took home our shares and our parents dare not try...hahahahhaa......actually the fish came out great la okay...cough cough thanks to your bravery for finally flipping it like my own personal hang tuah=x....but the vege came out bland...hahahhahaa.....
The girl whom I talked to everyday on the phone after school...hahahaha....and my parents always asked got so much to talk meh=_________=...you just saw each other like 10 hours in school=x
When i was in college, you would call me up weeklyT______________T....because you told me it's cheaper for you to call instead because my number was considered outstation being in klT_________________T......talking to me for hours...T_T.....calling me on my birthday to wish meT___________T
You even checked my SPM result for me before me dad went to relinquish me from worriesT_T...
Even now while i'm in the states i would call you and you would always willingly listen to meT_T.....
I don't ever know what I would have done had we not been friendsT____________________T
So here's to a good 11 years*don't pretend la...old say old la=x* and many more to come.....
JR
My first college friendT_________T...we've had our ups and downs.....
We clicked off the moment we met on orientation night....then became buddies overnight......luck has it you even ran into my dad before knowing he was my dad...see la fate okay we'll be friends for life..hoho....
We both would gabber away complaining about how mundane lessons were in the dreaded english prereq which turn out quite fun after all....
hanging out everyday be it for classes or for fun....=)...sunway was our place....walking all the way daily to eat......you would always tolerate me because i was still picky on food thenT__________T.....and we would go to your favorite comic store which I was not too big of a fan because I was a banana then and they were all in chineseT_____________T...giving in to me to take the cab back for a 3 mins ride to hostel because I hated walking under the scorching sun...
I was sad when you decided to move out of the hostel...you were always there for me though....when I got so sick with fever and no voice, you ran all the way from your block to mine just to make sure I had my medicationT_T....you listened to me croack my barney song while tolerating me kindly...T_T
Oh how I miss those days when we would hang out for sleepovers at your place watching DVDS, going to pasar malams, summit, and kl.......
you taught me how to catch a bus in kl remember=P
So we came to the states and I wasn't a great friend the very last semester you were hereT_____________T.....because we had our own friends, and I failed to realized situations you were in.....I am truly sorry for being such a horrible friend and had thought you were mad at me which i should think I deserved one year after you decided to leaveT_T....It was lonely without you here.....but I was more concern about you..till you decided to come online again one year after.....and it made me smile to learn that you were never mad at me..with that I thank you...
I promise to be a greater friend for our friendship meant a lot to me.....you had always been there for me my whole college life... who truly stood by me all the while even till know=)
Jean blubbie:
My soulmateT___________T
Remember the first day we met jean....oh how I should have thank my lucky stars that I decided to move with Sugi when she told me she was allergic to the carpeted room even though living with her meant i had to sleep with lights on for two yearsT_T...else we would never have met=)
I still remember the vivid image of how we met....
You were sweeping your room floor=_________________=...so unclassy=xahahahahhaha.....=xcough cough
I wouldn't have had the guts to talk to you had it not been for your shirtT_T
You were wearing the same identical shirt I had which came in a different colours....I seriously knew then we were soulmates there and there even with you being an ah sam fashion of floor sweeping okay*big shiny eyes.
Seriously though...haha it's not what you think okay...your version was whylah my new housmie so mean oneT_T...the look she gave me was like i stole her shirt....i never once thought that okay...cough cough....
Who knew would would have been such loving friends...cough cough....
The one person I rarely disagree or had a fight withT______________T
We shared everything.....our clothes, our grocery bills, our cooking chores.....except you wouldn't share your bolsieT__________T
There was one time though that I still owe you an apology...you were so sweet to let me use your laptop while i was waiting for mine for 2 whole months dailyT___________T....even leaving it behind when you went home...why you so sweet.....but there was once you accidentally spilled my milk on you own laptop and you were worried about my disc assignment instead of your own laptopT__________T you are the most selfless person I know and I'm sorry you had to worry about my assignments...I love you to bits.....
We did almost everything together too.....we went out together, tabao food together....go shopping together....gossip together=x
You were like a younger sister I never had=)..and you'll always be like a sister to me....
I'll never forget the birthday gifts you send me and care packages while I am here in the states to cheer me up.....
Talk rubbish with me even while you're busy with assignments till 5am in the morning just to accomodate my hoursT_________T...console me when I needed it most....
Even agreeing to fulfill my dream with me in a few years time.....one of which we'll make come true okay.....=).....we find la submissive husbands who would agree to having us build a connecting bridges to our homes so that we can send our kids safely to play together while having meals together=)....and we're going to be housmies again soon...in a couple of years..think of the terror...hahaha...basil coming too=x...and we'll get a terrier okay.....=)
I also felt so touched when in my last year of college in sunway, you would come all the way with sam to kl just so I wouldn't be lonely for my birthday..thank youT_T...and i still have the humongous bear you guys gave me....even though my mother hid it in the cupboard so that it wouldn't collect dust and she wouldn't have to wash an extra plushie when I come back for vacationsT_T
We've met up yearly without fail=) each of my vacations...whereby you would always compromised to my decision and my ppk ness....T_T...coming all the way to the north because I wouldn't go to jb=x......our kl trip whereby I realized how much I miss having you aroundT_T
Those were the days when we were so kiasu and we would plug in three mouse on your laptop just to play the NBA game just so we could shoot more balls into the net to win the game....
Now...you have blossomed into a sweet pretty young lady still petite as ever while your other half here has blossomed sideways into a little teapotT____________T...oh the irony...but oppposites attract eh....
I know we'll always be the best of friends just because there's no one I rather have than you to bring up our kids with while slowing growing old watching dramas with....
So i sayang you banyak banyak and we'll meet again soon enough eh=)
EW
My prettiest ever college mate....the girl who had it all...the brains,the beauty, yet the most demure and down to earth none snooty girl I've known.T_T.....
Always there with me for classes when others would ponteng and we had to sign like 6 signatures in malaysian studies class so much so that the lecturer hated usT_T for signing the attendance sheet for them....you never failed to come to class even though you don't feel like it because you knew I would be aloneT_________T
Always tolerating my crazy ideas in class...never letting me die of boredom in class by doing crazy stuff with me...
I miss those days...
You were also always there to help me like when I had to moveT____________T
I miss those days when we were closer.....sadly we've drifted apart upon coming to the states....however....i know we'll always be friends because you're one friend I would want to ever lose
Remember how were we musketeers in class=)
SS
Dearest Sharon....=)
The sweetest girl who never had a bad bone in her.....
You were like a sister to me here..pshaw....who cares if were's of different race la....haha..like we've always said.....we're the unique twins...haha...
An elder sister you were..always worring about this silly girl......looking after me....
Thank to you, I never had to feel lonely=)
You were always making sure I had my meals...haha...bringing me little snacks and fulfilling my briyani cravings which was almost weekly...making me my favorite fish patties when i craved for them....
Visiting me almost every saturday while i was at work..popping in to see how i was doing=)
Even after you left, you never fail to watch over me...haha...calling me up weekly for my hourly chats...
I am ultimately grateful for all your advice,tolerance on my nonsense which was many....hehe....
Remember the time we walked home from target and it took us 2 hours and yet you were happy to do it with my spur of moment craziness...
OUr bus days are gone...if you were still in this county, I would have gladly drove you anywhere you needed...
But texas is only but a few hundred miles away=) and i promise to visit you soon....till then it'll be our weekly calls...
So these are among the five girls that I could never live without and would not dare imagine what it'll be like had I not known them=(....
Ya all girls cause I am scared of guys cause I dunno why...hahah just kidding...
So everytime I would think I have no one to talk to, all I have to do is look back on memories I've had with them...and rmeember...that they will always be there for me....
Even when I look like an obese teapot..all short and stout
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Happy Happy
Blubbie......
I finally talked to JR again after one year since she left US.....So happy can......i thought she was mad at me and wasn't going to talk to me for lifeT__________T...apparently she thought i was the one mad at her hohohoho.......
so errr it's high time i divorce you again and marry her....ahahaha=x cough cough...just kidding...
I wish she was still here though but i guess maybe her decision to start all over again back home could work out better for her...but i miss having her aroundT___________T....I am dying of boredom living a hermit life....cough yes la i super lazy to go out one cough cough
So we talked and catched up on everything we missed out on in life and what nots one year back...
I'm hoping I'll see her soon....maybe in a couple of years....at least she hugs me okay not like you everytime i demand for a hug....have to end up pleading after getting kicked non stop....
Ya...won't be updating the food blog for sometime okay cause all i've been eating is err......instant food(don't tell my mother......she always remind me to eat every few hours because she's scared i might get gastric)
Yala...somemore my mumsie will come chat with me at random hours to see if i got sleep or notT_______________________T....i so wanted to talk to her but have to pretend i'm not online so that she won't scold me for burning the midnight oil every night....haiz what to do.....i'm the tong sampah of the group..everything thrown in my way also i won't say no cause my grades will be in jeopardy...
Yay and weekend is coming and I am going to watch Avenue Q tomorrow with my friend....so excited i've been wanting to watch it long ago but never had the chance.
Anyway gotta go my contact is being irritable and it's almost five and I haven't had lunch..=(
I finally talked to JR again after one year since she left US.....So happy can......i thought she was mad at me and wasn't going to talk to me for lifeT__________T...apparently she thought i was the one mad at her hohohoho.......
so errr it's high time i divorce you again and marry her....ahahaha=x cough cough...just kidding...
I wish she was still here though but i guess maybe her decision to start all over again back home could work out better for her...but i miss having her aroundT___________T....I am dying of boredom living a hermit life....cough yes la i super lazy to go out one cough cough
So we talked and catched up on everything we missed out on in life and what nots one year back...
I'm hoping I'll see her soon....maybe in a couple of years....at least she hugs me okay not like you everytime i demand for a hug....have to end up pleading after getting kicked non stop....
Ya...won't be updating the food blog for sometime okay cause all i've been eating is err......instant food(don't tell my mother......she always remind me to eat every few hours because she's scared i might get gastric)
Yala...somemore my mumsie will come chat with me at random hours to see if i got sleep or notT_______________________T....i so wanted to talk to her but have to pretend i'm not online so that she won't scold me for burning the midnight oil every night....haiz what to do.....i'm the tong sampah of the group..everything thrown in my way also i won't say no cause my grades will be in jeopardy...
Yay and weekend is coming and I am going to watch Avenue Q tomorrow with my friend....so excited i've been wanting to watch it long ago but never had the chance.
Anyway gotta go my contact is being irritable and it's almost five and I haven't had lunch..=(
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Chicago
Too many sad post....so resolution....for each sad post must make a happy post...
Chicago was fun......it definitely gave me the break i needed...making friends along the way...walked dunno how many miles enough to allow me to be a glutton haha...
Went to chinatown with a german couple Anna and don't remember her boyfriend's name..he's french sorry...showed them around chinatown and eventually qent to Penang for malaysian food...hoho....was fun...the hostel room i stayed in was 4 german girls,all in the states to be au pairs....and angelica from California whom i eventually hung out with=)
Not many pictures la.....sad part is everything closes by 8leh!!!I forgot as I first thought eh maybe cause it's earth hour...but not la.....haiz....i walked from wabash ave to michigan ave and only thing opened were fast foodT_Tsianz.....so i walked back to this thai restaurant and the lady who served me went "you again" cause i was there for lunch...hhaha....what to do la....
And of course i never fail to lose my sense of directionT___________T.....i was looking for the tram to navy pier, yet instead I got lost and somehow managed to walk all the way there in 1.5 hoursT____________________T
Turn back time.....
Remember how we were talking on msn about it.....
Somehow i wish this was possible,to undo all the misery i've cause, to undo all wrongs....to make things better somehow=(
There's so much i wish i could undo...but i guess there never will be the chance seeing that i've taken things for granted...
Looking back, there's so much i could have done to be a better person...but it's too late to even think about it anymore...
Maybe it's been months of babbling cause i really fear bout the last few months of studies.....i really can't fail to pass everythingT_T.....what am I going to do.....how many years of school has it been seeing that i decided to changes things....
I've let down too many people in the past....
I've also realized that I'm exactly the kind of person who keeps to herself if i ever need help or get into trouble...
People think it's silly and stupid but they fail to understand that my logic is that if I get myself into trouble, it's bad enough to put myself into misery so much so that i should not drag anyone down with me. I look at it in such that I know i've disappointed myself so much...i couldn't bear to look anyone in the eyes and see the pain and disappointment they are bound to show.
It's true that no man's an island....but I have faith in myself each time I have to get out of unwanted situations....eventually I will even though it may not be the most ideal method, I know I want to correct things bad enough that I'll research through matters to find methods to resolve things...
So I guess funnily enough, without much realization, I'm a lot more independent that I give myself credit for...
Somehow i wish this was possible,to undo all the misery i've cause, to undo all wrongs....to make things better somehow=(
There's so much i wish i could undo...but i guess there never will be the chance seeing that i've taken things for granted...
Looking back, there's so much i could have done to be a better person...but it's too late to even think about it anymore...
Maybe it's been months of babbling cause i really fear bout the last few months of studies.....i really can't fail to pass everythingT_T.....what am I going to do.....how many years of school has it been seeing that i decided to changes things....
I've let down too many people in the past....
I've also realized that I'm exactly the kind of person who keeps to herself if i ever need help or get into trouble...
People think it's silly and stupid but they fail to understand that my logic is that if I get myself into trouble, it's bad enough to put myself into misery so much so that i should not drag anyone down with me. I look at it in such that I know i've disappointed myself so much...i couldn't bear to look anyone in the eyes and see the pain and disappointment they are bound to show.
It's true that no man's an island....but I have faith in myself each time I have to get out of unwanted situations....eventually I will even though it may not be the most ideal method, I know I want to correct things bad enough that I'll research through matters to find methods to resolve things...
So I guess funnily enough, without much realization, I'm a lot more independent that I give myself credit for...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Oink Oink
I can hear my neighbour snoring away=x....and the apartment is double walled...so could it be:
1.she's super tired every night
2.i have superb hearing......wah and maybe i'm like a superhero or something.....what should i call myself.....faster faster...think think....err let's see wall crawling=spiderman,night person=batman,many powers=superman...so i should be.......errrr.....i should be bat girl okay stupid batman....i mean bat cannot see right they rely on hearing!!!!he should have been owl man but i think that was taken by keluang man...don't ask me i didn't follow that series...never mind i shall be horton hears a who girl....why so out of topic one....sianz
3.haiyah maybe my sofa next to the wall so all the better to hear her snore=_______=
Ehh.....snoring got rhythm one ah=x
1.she's super tired every night
2.i have superb hearing......wah and maybe i'm like a superhero or something.....what should i call myself.....faster faster...think think....err let's see wall crawling=spiderman,night person=batman,many powers=superman...so i should be.......errrr.....i should be bat girl okay stupid batman....i mean bat cannot see right they rely on hearing!!!!he should have been owl man but i think that was taken by keluang man...don't ask me i didn't follow that series...never mind i shall be horton hears a who girl....why so out of topic one....sianz
3.haiyah maybe my sofa next to the wall so all the better to hear her snore=_______=
Ehh.....snoring got rhythm one ah=x
Friday, March 21, 2008
The ho ho cincailah give in to eastside girl post
See la see la...mean girl.....T_T she proclaims she won't befriend me anymore because i tipu her by posting an illustration of me instead so here la here la..close enough to be counted as picture as it's my hair when it was shorter...now 3 months later super long liao need haircut....
and this is your favorite bear of all time..my basil who wouldn't mind a hug....hohoho=x
don't pretend i know you miss him so....
Thursday, March 20, 2008
stupid country bumpkin fashion post
Blubbs... I thought we started this blog because we wanted to show each other what we're wearing everyday.. In the end we didn't post.. hahaaa... so let me be the first >_< My pariah pasar malam fashion sense (according to someone *cough* you know who)
This is what I wore to school yesterday
This is what I wore today.. my fav pair of Jeans.. haha.. not from Giant la
Why am I so thin T____T
This is what I wore to school yesterday
This is what I wore today.. my fav pair of Jeans.. haha.. not from Giant la
Why am I so thin T____T
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
that girl
that girl
she walks down the street
with her head down
and you asked
why so shy my dear
but all she could do
was smile a little
as she slowly fades
into the winding road
that girl
she sits by the lake
both feet up
her arms curled around her knees
as she looks into space
and you asked
why so gloom my dear
and she looks up
with a little smile on her face
that girl
she is just an ordinary girl
with dreams and hopes that shines so bright
they glimmer upon her thoughts
for she knows
nothing can bring her down for she's
that girl.
she walks down the street
with her head down
and you asked
why so shy my dear
but all she could do
was smile a little
as she slowly fades
into the winding road
that girl
she sits by the lake
both feet up
her arms curled around her knees
as she looks into space
and you asked
why so gloom my dear
and she looks up
with a little smile on her face
that girl
she is just an ordinary girl
with dreams and hopes that shines so bright
they glimmer upon her thoughts
for she knows
nothing can bring her down for she's
that girl.
Weehee.. new phone
Weehee... finally I got a new phone that belongs to me after like so many years~!!(my previous phone is passed down to me by my brother, my last original self-owned phone is the lousy bulky seriously outdated 7250i I used in college =_=)
Unloved teddy says hi..
Bunny says hi...
Bunny thinks u're smelly lolz
Unloved teddy says hi..
Bunny says hi...
Bunny thinks u're smelly lolz
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Wish Upon A Star....
Eh okay la okay la...why east side girl so garangT_T...so cham...sorry la sorry la...east side girl is very nice very sweet*cough mean cough*....hohooohooo
Haiz..working all weekend cause everyone else wants to attend international food fest and i super tak patriotic la=x....eh eh...instead of spending money i'm earning money okay!!!!
So weather has been great..hoho..can't believe i am rejoicing for hot weather..since when la....actually it's cause then i won't have to worry bout driving in horrible weather and i can wear dresses and skirts!!!!so happy okay!!!!
Funny how we were talking about our err ex crushes la.....it's as though we needed a closure....to seal the book up and let it all be put aside...doesn't seem that way yet but I'm sure the day will come right=)...we err just have to pretend they aren't cute, aren't nice, err actually super evil one=x...hohoho...how come i still don't feel any better laT_T
Suddenly so cold in the office....2 more hours to midnight when my shift ends..hehe....
So since I am done with homework*cough project belum buat cough cough* I'm here bloggingT_T.....
Oh and I talked to you know who la after err 4 months and he's as mean as youT______________________________T....when i say you won't hug me but kick me instead he says he agrees with youT____________________T why liddat you tell me why why why...all mean mean mean....but understandable la...only one person can be nice*cough ME cough*....
okay la..got patron..got to go...
Haiz..working all weekend cause everyone else wants to attend international food fest and i super tak patriotic la=x....eh eh...instead of spending money i'm earning money okay!!!!
So weather has been great..hoho..can't believe i am rejoicing for hot weather..since when la....actually it's cause then i won't have to worry bout driving in horrible weather and i can wear dresses and skirts!!!!so happy okay!!!!
Funny how we were talking about our err ex crushes la.....it's as though we needed a closure....to seal the book up and let it all be put aside...doesn't seem that way yet but I'm sure the day will come right=)...we err just have to pretend they aren't cute, aren't nice, err actually super evil one=x...hohoho...how come i still don't feel any better laT_T
Suddenly so cold in the office....2 more hours to midnight when my shift ends..hehe....
So since I am done with homework*cough project belum buat cough cough* I'm here bloggingT_T.....
Oh and I talked to you know who la after err 4 months and he's as mean as youT______________________________T....when i say you won't hug me but kick me instead he says he agrees with youT____________________T why liddat you tell me why why why...all mean mean mean....but understandable la...only one person can be nice*cough ME cough*....
okay la..got patron..got to go...
Saturday, March 15, 2008
west side girl
what la what.. don't be fooled by the west side girl's post..
She's 10x more evil than me lor... everytime ask me some question and then standby with baseball bat behind her... then so xiao qi... every tiny little matter ask for divorce.. one day ask for divorce for like 100 times.. so fan rite... then everytime when i agree come and plead me to take her back.. waste my resources only.. in the end i have to photocopy 3000 copies of divorce papers and have to hire a special lawyer just to handle our divorce cases.. sigh
And who's the unloyal one here.. everytime go for shaowei, jay chou and some guys she tinks are cute (but actually not at all) such as matt damon.. and some gay chinese popstar =X sigh.. her taste is really err unique.. one of a kind..
Call me klutzie some more.. she 10x more klutzie than me lor.. nicknamed wee the clown pula.. got so many funny incidents such as hugging people's legs when she falls down wahahahhaha.... trying to imitate some soot girl when typing email.... tinking boomerang is billabong (ahahahahahahaaaa) See la so funny... if you wanna get the laugh of the day go add her on msn =X
Then she oso very bad.. always say wanna post pics for herself but in the end nv post.. so in the end.. this blog all filled with my sexy pics only.. such as below.. sighs..
Nothing much laa.. just want to show off my teeth (did it get straighter?), my so blue braces.. and my messy overgrown hair.. need a haircut soon.. and I love my friend's phone.. the camera like so much better than my phone.. how ahh how.. snatch it from him..
She's 10x more evil than me lor... everytime ask me some question and then standby with baseball bat behind her... then so xiao qi... every tiny little matter ask for divorce.. one day ask for divorce for like 100 times.. so fan rite... then everytime when i agree come and plead me to take her back.. waste my resources only.. in the end i have to photocopy 3000 copies of divorce papers and have to hire a special lawyer just to handle our divorce cases.. sigh
And who's the unloyal one here.. everytime go for shaowei, jay chou and some guys she tinks are cute (but actually not at all) such as matt damon.. and some gay chinese popstar =X sigh.. her taste is really err unique.. one of a kind..
Call me klutzie some more.. she 10x more klutzie than me lor.. nicknamed wee the clown pula.. got so many funny incidents such as hugging people's legs when she falls down wahahahhaha.... trying to imitate some soot girl when typing email.... tinking boomerang is billabong (ahahahahahahaaaa) See la so funny... if you wanna get the laugh of the day go add her on msn =X
Then she oso very bad.. always say wanna post pics for herself but in the end nv post.. so in the end.. this blog all filled with my sexy pics only.. such as below.. sighs..
Nothing much laa.. just want to show off my teeth (did it get straighter?), my so blue braces.. and my messy overgrown hair.. need a haircut soon.. and I love my friend's phone.. the camera like so much better than my phone.. how ahh how.. snatch it from him..
Friday, March 14, 2008
Lala siao siao.....
Hohoho...since it's safe to assume to nobody reads this blog........let me describe one half of the blog owner...the Eastside Girl...
Haiz...where do I start.....
Let's just do a number thing than:
1. She's super evilT_T....trust me on this...T______________________T....super super kenevil, and mean.....why liddat la you tell me.....she's evil cause errr.....she wouldn't hug me onlineT_T...everytime i go hugga hugga? you know what she replies KICKGA!!!!!seee la seee la where got people liddat one you tell me....
2. Errr mean to animals...hohoho....don't think I dunno okay jean.....your blackie got lost in the drain...ahahahahaha=x....ahahaahahhaa=x....so funny when you told me.......see la simply let doggie run around....then don't forget power bunnyT_T...this girl is so evil...she bought bunny hay or something and expired one because big bag for 50% off...see la so mean..then proceeded to leave bunny in dorm while she crosses the bridge to go home to punish bunny why...because bunny bit her slipper or something...why so mean la you....
3. Lack loyalty can.........while i'm away in another country you go affair left right=x...how can how can.....don't pretend hor...i saw on friendster msgs like honey la..darlin la.....grrrrrr.....not like i jealous la*cough cough*....see la..then somemore dare tell me she wants kawaii japanese mistress because so cuteT_____________T
4. Prejudice also....=x....don't pretend la...worst than any chavounistic man on earth....everyday tell me no +/- on my weight one kg also cannot else divorce me...seeeeeee la.....seeeee la....so evil i think i just broke my heartT_T
5. Always teasing me...I'M OLDER LA.......by 7 months okay!!!!!that's like one year liao when rounded up.....and and everyday so mean..tease meT_T....ask her don't remember some things i tell her she die die also must recall then pretend to bring it up then say where got la....i was talking about something else....dunno why liddat one....
AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.....
okay la..she's my soulmateT____________________T and the best one ever....for she's really smart,kind KLUTZY but it's okay I still likie you.....and above all....can tolerate me and my nonsense everyday onlineT_______________________T
So happy nothing day......remember to miss me tons.......buy me ice cream.......and let me go find new eye candy...bai bai=x
OOOH...and
hugggga hugggga uggga huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuga me.....
Haiz...where do I start.....
Let's just do a number thing than:
1. She's super evilT_T....trust me on this...T______________________T....super super kenevil, and mean.....why liddat la you tell me.....she's evil cause errr.....she wouldn't hug me onlineT_T...everytime i go hugga hugga? you know what she replies KICKGA!!!!!seee la seee la where got people liddat one you tell me....
2. Errr mean to animals...hohoho....don't think I dunno okay jean.....your blackie got lost in the drain...ahahahahaha=x....ahahaahahhaa=x....so funny when you told me.......see la simply let doggie run around....then don't forget power bunnyT_T...this girl is so evil...she bought bunny hay or something and expired one because big bag for 50% off...see la so mean..then proceeded to leave bunny in dorm while she crosses the bridge to go home to punish bunny why...because bunny bit her slipper or something...why so mean la you....
3. Lack loyalty can.........while i'm away in another country you go affair left right=x...how can how can.....don't pretend hor...i saw on friendster msgs like honey la..darlin la.....grrrrrr.....not like i jealous la*cough cough*....see la..then somemore dare tell me she wants kawaii japanese mistress because so cuteT_____________T
4. Prejudice also....=x....don't pretend la...worst than any chavounistic man on earth....everyday tell me no +/- on my weight one kg also cannot else divorce me...seeeeeee la.....seeeee la....so evil i think i just broke my heartT_T
5. Always teasing me...I'M OLDER LA.......by 7 months okay!!!!!that's like one year liao when rounded up.....and and everyday so mean..tease meT_T....ask her don't remember some things i tell her she die die also must recall then pretend to bring it up then say where got la....i was talking about something else....dunno why liddat one....
AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.....
okay la..she's my soulmateT____________________T and the best one ever....for she's really smart,kind KLUTZY but it's okay I still likie you.....and above all....can tolerate me and my nonsense everyday onlineT_______________________T
So happy nothing day......remember to miss me tons.......buy me ice cream.......and let me go find new eye candy...bai bai=x
OOOH...and
hugggga hugggga uggga huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuga me.....
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
klutz no. 2
Blubbie slept 1 hour the day before yesterday.
Blubbie left handphone at house.
Blubbie fell into longkang (like Blackie). Worst scratches of her life.
Blubbie forgot her laptop in the classroom.
Sigh. All because someone passed the disease to me =P
Blubbie's hairy leg and sexy scratches. You don't want to see what's under the bandages huhu T_T
Blubbie left handphone at house.
Blubbie fell into longkang (like Blackie). Worst scratches of her life.
Blubbie forgot her laptop in the classroom.
Sigh. All because someone passed the disease to me =P
Blubbie's hairy leg and sexy scratches. You don't want to see what's under the bandages huhu T_T
Saturday, March 8, 2008
...
or Life Too Short...
Happy thoughts runs through my mind when I see a cute 60 year old couple strolling on the road
hand in hand...smiling to each other...as though time freezes and all they see is each other..
I guess there's just so many kinds of different achievements in life....everyone runs to
catch up with the first which is a career...then when that's in the bag, people yearn for
companionship....and the lucky ones find someone who sticks with them through thick and thin
for years to come...
Then happy thoughts mellows when you get in your car on your way driving home....and you hear
the sirens blasting through the air....as you stop the drive to pull aside,does it ever run
through your head that:
For each siren that sounds,it comes along with fear,pain,sorrow...
Not for us who drives along....but for the person the siren is sounding for....
That someone could be in pain......and fearing for their lives...while a loved one is
in sorrow for fear or worries running through their minds as help is on the way...
Or that someone out there is fearful....of losing something.....as a fire blazes through...
there's so much in life that we've taken for granted...
I know I have....what about you?
So it's not a generic message when you hear people reminding you each and every day
to take the time to tell your loves ones you care....
to take the effort, to make someone's day as when a smiles broadens upon the person's face,
inevitably, it makes you happier right there and then...
I know I can't take back any misery I've caused...
But I can make a change...
For life's too short...
And each day is precious as you make it...
People may come and go...
But memories linger on for life...
For life's too short...
To make misery a friend....
As crying over spilt milk...
Is a fruitless effort....
Best left undone....
Happy thoughts runs through my mind when I see a cute 60 year old couple strolling on the road
hand in hand...smiling to each other...as though time freezes and all they see is each other..
I guess there's just so many kinds of different achievements in life....everyone runs to
catch up with the first which is a career...then when that's in the bag, people yearn for
companionship....and the lucky ones find someone who sticks with them through thick and thin
for years to come...
Then happy thoughts mellows when you get in your car on your way driving home....and you hear
the sirens blasting through the air....as you stop the drive to pull aside,does it ever run
through your head that:
For each siren that sounds,it comes along with fear,pain,sorrow...
Not for us who drives along....but for the person the siren is sounding for....
That someone could be in pain......and fearing for their lives...while a loved one is
in sorrow for fear or worries running through their minds as help is on the way...
Or that someone out there is fearful....of losing something.....as a fire blazes through...
there's so much in life that we've taken for granted...
I know I have....what about you?
So it's not a generic message when you hear people reminding you each and every day
to take the time to tell your loves ones you care....
to take the effort, to make someone's day as when a smiles broadens upon the person's face,
inevitably, it makes you happier right there and then...
I know I can't take back any misery I've caused...
But I can make a change...
For life's too short...
And each day is precious as you make it...
People may come and go...
But memories linger on for life...
For life's too short...
To make misery a friend....
As crying over spilt milk...
Is a fruitless effort....
Best left undone....
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